Over the weekend, Geraldo Rivera posted a half-nude selfie on Twitter. He took it in the mirror, and he is wearing a towel, sort of, but he’s wearing it really low if you know what I mean. Do you know what the word low means? It’s a synonym for “nightmare.” Along with the selfie, Geraldo said “70 is the new 50 (Erica and family are going to be so pissed…but at my age…).” At his age what? I think what he means is that at his age he doesn’t look like a distended sack of bones stuffed with oatmeal, so good for him, and God bless, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us are on-board. Good grief, will you listen to me carrying on and on? The whole point of this post was to regroup and ignore this whole incident together. There are other incidents! There is practically an infinite number of incidents for us to discuss other than the Geraldo Rivera half-nude selfie incident. For example: the duchess of Cambridge is in labor. Or just “kittens.” Really anything. Anything other than Geraldo’s unfortunate selfie. (And let me just clarify that I’m not saying Geraldo’s selfie is unfortunate and everyone else’s selfie is cool. Enough with the selfies across the board, you GOONS. But here I go again, harping on the very thing we all agreed not to harp on. Harp on anything else! That’s the whole point! The world is our harp oyster.)