You two met under pretty ordinary circumstances. On a break from filming The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Paul headed to the nearest Starbucks for a frappe and accidentally cut you in line. “Oh, I’m sorry — I think I was next,” you said sharply. You didn’t know who he was and thought that he assumed he could do whatever he wanted at Starbucks because he was so handsome and had such a nice Adidas tracksuit and because his scalp was buffed to such a beautiful, tattooed shine. “Guys like this are always such jerks. Devastatingly handsome, for sure, but jerks none the less,” you thought — that is, until he turned around and apologized. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said, locking eyes with you for only a second. That was all he said, and that was all it took. It was unclear if he didn’t see you, or if he just didn’t think you would say anything about him cutting in front of you. In any case, you were quite taken. You went out on a few dates and they were fine, but each time you felt the initial spark less and less. Where was the Paul Giamatti who wore the track suit and had that shiny head full of tattoos and also those necklaces and the other tattoos whom you met that afternoon at Starbucks? Where was your Paulie? Still, though, with hope for your future together, you invited him to dinner with your parents who were coming to town for a visit. Your parents knew who he was — they had seen Sideways and enjoyed it very much, though they couldn’t place him far beyond that. “Hey Paul, when we meet my parents for dinner — this is going to sound annoying, but can you do me a favor?” “Sure, babe, anything. What is it?” he asked in response. “Well, hah, ummm, can you wear the Adidas track suit? And can you not cover up your tattoos? I understand that sometimes when we go to nice places you want to–” “What?” he asked, cutting you off, “What are you talking about?!” “Oh, you know. That day we met…I was just so taken by you, and I’d really like my parents to meet the REAL you, you know? The Paul that I love.” Paul was visibly upset and barked in that classic Paul Giamatti way, “Are you INSANE?!? You want me to wear my costume? From the movie?” “What movie?” you asked. “What are you talking about, Paul? Are you okay?” The End. (Image via Buzzfeed, click through for full-size Paul Giamatti.)