As you already know, Jon Hamm doesn’t like everyone talking about his humongous penis, which makes sense if you think about it. Who among us can even imagine what it is like to be the first human being ever objectified for their body over their talent/intelligence/kindness/curiosity/humanity? It sounds like a real nightmare that no one else on Earth has ever experienced, and so our hearts must go out to him. The good news is that Jon Hamm now has a lot of new options for covering up his very big penis and getting everyone to pay attention to what is important: HIS ACTING. From TMZ

TMZ has learned … both companies have reached out to Hamm in the hopes of remedying the alleged problem … with FREE UNDERWEAR FOR LIFE!!! A rep for Jockey told us … “Jockey would like to offer our support for Jon Hamm in the form of a lifetime supply of Jockey underwear. “

The Fruit of the Loom people also have a message for Jon — “We want people to be themselves. And if going Commando makes you happy, we say go for it. But in case you change your mind, we got you covered.”

I like how they put the part about FREE UNDERWEAR FOR LIFE in ALL CAPS. Because that is pretty amazing. Especially for a hugely successful Hollywood actor. That’s a savings of what? 100 dollars? How much does underwear cost? And how long do people live? If a pair of underwear is traveling from New York at 70 years a lifetime and another pair of underwear is traveling from Los Angeles at 80 years a lifetime at what point will they SEE HOW BIG JON HAMM’S PENIS IS THROUGH HIS PANTS WHEN HE IS OUT SHOPPING FOR NEW HATS?! (This will count towards your final grade.)