Whoops, blogosphere! You were so busy going on and on about the Girls finale that you completely overlooked the most recent episode of Kourtney and Kim Take Miami in which our two HEROES have a VAGINA SMELLING CONTEST. That’s on you, blogosphere. Pay attention. Obviously, this was on television, obviously, but it also makes for great reading. It is like a great novel, basically. From ONTD:

It all starts after Khloe drops a tidbit that pineapples help a woman’s private parts take on a “sweeter” odor, which leads her sisters into a spirited debate about whose “bits” have the better smell. Testing the theory, the sisters drink pineapple juice to prepare for the compelling conclusion to the sibling sniff-out of the century.

“If I’m going to win this I need to get as much pineapple juice as I can … it makes the vag smell good,” Kourtney declares.

“Kourtney seems very competitive about her vagina,” Kim notes. “I don’t know why Kourtney is challenging me — but she will lose!”

As for the judging honors, the task went to the (lucky) person who was deemed to be the most impartial: Khloe — of course!

KHLOE – OF COURSE! Of course. I mean, come on. Be realistic. ALL OF AMERICA WAITS WITH BATED BREATH TO DISCOVER WHO WILL WIN THIS ALL-IMPORTANT CONTEST. WILL IT BE KOURTNEY? OR KIM? OR JESSA? LET’S FIND OUT!

Kim and Kourtney used cloth napkins smeared with the musk of each other for Khloe to judge.

Right. Yes, no, yes, of course. Right. Like we don’t know how a televised vagina smelling contest works? Please don’t condescend.

“Do I want to be the judge of the pineapple p***y?” Khloe rhetorically asks. “Not really, but we’re sisters … if I can’t smell their p***ies, what else am I supposed to do?”

When it comes time to judge, Khloe decides that Kourtney’s scent “was like a tropical island,” and likens Kim’s to “a flower p***y.”

And the winner is…

“Honestly, I will say that Kim’s p**** smells the best – she’s the kitty winner,” Khloe rules.

Kourtney doesn’t seem too fazed by the loss though, “If Kim needs to think she’s won, then fine, I’ll let her think that – but we all know whose vagina is the sweetest of them all,” she vows.

CONGRATULATIONS TO KIM’S FLOWER PUSSY ON NARROWLY BEATING OUT HER SISTER KOURTNEY’S TROPICAL ISLAND AND CONGRATULATIONS TO KHLOE ON BEING SUCH A GREAT JUDGE. CONGRATULATIONS TO ADAM ON GIRLS FOR BEING SO RIPPED IN A WAY THAT IS NEVER DISCUSSED OR EXPLAINED WITHIN THE LOGICAL FRAMEWORK OF THE SHOW. CONGRATULATIONS TO MARNIE FOR BEING A MILLIONAIRE NOW. CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF THE BLOGGERS WHO SPENT 10,000 WORDS TALKING ABOUT THE ADAM “RAPE” SCENE EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD BE CASUALLY IGNORED AT THE START OF THE NEXT EPISODE WHEN HE’S APPARENTLY STILL SOBER AND STILL SEEING THAT GIRL SO WHO CARES AND CONGRATULATIONS TO WOMEN AND AMERICA AND SHOSHANNA AND ALL OF US, WE DID IT AND WE ARE DOING IT. KOURTNEY AND KIM AND ALL OF US TAKE THE WORLD!