Hey, did you hear about the sinkhole that opened up in Florida underneath a man’s bedroom, swallowing him and killing him? They assume? Not that they can check because it keeps getting bigger and they had to evacuate the area, but just according to the monitoring equipment lowered into the sinkhole by engineers, which detected no signs of life? And you thought that you knew every terrifying and incredibly sad and scary way to die, but now there’s this one that we have to worry about too? And it’s kind of like the ground underneath us itself is the Swamp of Sadness and maybe we’re all eventually going to get sucked in? Did you hear about that? ZzzzZZz I didn’t! ZzzzZZzzzzzzzZzzz I’m still asleep! ZzzZZzzzz GOODNIGHT!

PS: The man trying to keep hail off of his car is a metaphor for everything.