Kelly: Hey, Gabe
Gabe: hey kelly
Gabe: how you doin’?!
Gabe: that’s a reference from a show called Friends
Gabe: it aired about 10 years before you were born
Kelly: Oooohhh
Kelly: I would’ve learned about it in school I think
Kelly: but right before I got there they got new history text books
Kelly: because the other ones were too old
Kelly: Sounds funny though
Gabe: history ipads
Kelly: right
Kelly: I’m doin’ ok, though! “HOW YOU DOIN’?”
Gabe: well i am sick still, i think i have been sick forever
Kelly: Yeah, I’ve never known you to not be sick.
Gabe: i’m actually chatting you from a hospital lolol the doctors say i only have 15 more blogs to write
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: I’m so sorry!
Gabe: thanks

Gabe: i mean, i feel like
Gabe: you could have sent over some flowers?
Gabe: saying your sorry in a chat
Gabe: when someone is in the hospital
Gabe: is not that thoughtful
Kelly: I’ll send a singing clown later
Kelly: It’s going to sing “Thrift Shop” but it’s going to be about you in the hospital
Gabe: that will be funny
Gabe: because then we will both be in the hospital!
Kelly: “Walk into the hospital like, what up, can I get a shot?”
Kelly: Hahahah
Gabe: the good news is that i will recover from whatever is afflicting me
Gabe: you will ALWAYS be this way
Kelly: aw
Kelly: YOU FLATTER ME! lol ahaha
Kelly: If this chat hasn’t made you feel better already, I have something that definitely will
Kelly: Do you feel better? Or should I tell you?
Gabe: define better
Kelly: Closer to recovering from your illness
Kelly: The normal definition
Gabe: no
Gabe: i don’t feel that
Kelly: Well get this!
Kelly: Thirty Seconds to Mars, Jared Leto’s band
Gabe: redundant
Kelly: Will be sending its next single, “Up in the Air”
Kelly: TO
Kelly: SPACE!

Gabe: ugh
Gabe: someone should send YOU into space
Gabe: “where’s Kelly?”
Gabe: “We shot her into space.”
Gabe: “Oh, OK. That makes sense.”
Kelly: “No wonder why you’ve been so DEVASTATED.”
Gabe: this seems like the beginning of a horror sci fi movie
Gabe: they send their song into space and the wrong planet finds it
Kelly: hahahaha
Gabe: and they come to destroy us
Kelly: It can be called Death Metal
Kelly: *GREEN LIGHT*
Kelly: You can even watch the song go into space on NASA’s website
Gabe: terrible
Gabe: first of all it would be called
Gabe: 30 Seconds to Destroy Earth
Kelly: oh please
Kelly: Maybe in a world where everyone loves a clunky movie title
Gabe: SECOND OF ALL
Gabe: u r what is wrong with hollywood
Gabe: also what’s up NASA?
Gabe: i get the part where 30 Seconds to Mars WANTS to send their dumb song into space for no reason
Kelly: hahah right
Gabe: the part where NASA says “we agree and we will help”
Gabe: is where i lose the thread
Kelly: Maybe they’re just unwitting players in a big space scheme
Gabe: I feel like Neil Degrasse Tyson is going to have a lot of explaining to do

Gabe: “with just a 1% increase in its budget, NASA can inspire an entire generation of young people to SEND SOME DUMB SONGS INTO SPACE WHAT NOW COME AGAIN?”
Kelly: “NASA can increase our alien defense by showing them how gross Earth is already, and please don’t come here.”
Gabe: Neil Degrasse Tyson has spent the past couple of years
Gabe: going on podcasts and sounding very smart and inspiring
Gabe: about science and knowledge and space exploration
Gabe: and the first thing NASA does is send Jared Leto to space?
Kelly: hahahaha
Kelly: Maybe NASA just sends all their garbage to space
Kelly: And they were under impression this was the only copy
Kelly: “Throw it into the junk shuttle with all the old coffee pods”
Kelly: There really is no explanation
Kelly: Of why?
Gabe: i feel like it almost makes sense since i do think that NASA is owned and operated by Red Bull now (?)
Gabe: but isn’t Red Bull trying to be “cool”?
Gabe: jared leto’s band is not cool, Red Bull
Kelly: Right
Gabe: if you want to send something cool into space, Red Bull, send QUAVANZHANE WALLIS!
Gabe: i’m surprised james franco hasn’t gone to space yet
Gabe: see also: vincent gallo
Kelly: Oh man
Gabe: James Franco is our generation’s Vincent Gallo right?
Kelly: Unfortunately kind of
Kelly: James Franco and Terry Richardson combined are our generation’s Vincent Gallo
Kelly: But it is surprising that James hasn’t even talked about going to space
Kelly: Maybe it’s just like everything else he does and all of a sudden one day we’ll read a blog and it’ll be like
Kelly: “James Franco holds first nude human zoo exhibit for moon guests.”
Gabe: haha

Gabe: well, but space is already uncool now
Gabe: 30 seconds to mars just ruined space for everyone
Kelly: True
Gabe: oh well
Gabe: space is OUT
Gabe: earth forever
Kelly: Yeah
Kelly: Sorry Richard Branson
Kelly: ur 2 l8
Gabe: poor richard branson
Gabe: all he has left now is everything
Kelly: hahah
Kelly: 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁
Kelly: Also a sad day for Kate Winslet
Kelly: Probably never got to take her space honeymoon
Gabe: i don’t know
Gabe: i feel like Danny Rock’N’Roll will insist on going
Kelly: Oh true
Kelly: “Oh, ARE YOU SERIOUS?”
Kelly: That’s probably what he said when he heard, but in a good way
Gabe: “LET’S GO LISTEN TO 30 SECONDS TO MARS IN SPACE I’M DANNY ROCK’N’ROLL THIS RULES!”
Gabe: “COME ON BRIDE, LET’S GO!”
Kelly: “THIS TRIP JUST GOT AWESOME”
Gabe: “It was reported that Kate and Danny Rock’N’Roll died in space today doing what they loved, something something 30 Seconds to Mars good one the end.”
Kelly: hahaha
Gabe: the world may be a vampire, but space is now also kind of a vampire i guess
Kelly: What a bummer.
Kelly: Despite all our rage we are still just a rat in Jared Leto’s cage.