BANANA JOOOOOOOOOOE! Congratulations to nine-year-old Affenpinscher Banana Joe, winner of the 2013 Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. You are small and cute-ish, and we are all very proud of you. I hope you are enjoying a nice day at the dog spa to celebrate, with dog cucumbers over your dog eyes, and a pile of sparkling dog treats next to you that you don’t have to share with anybody. I did not watch you compete, but your name is perfect, and I saw a picture of you, and what else do you want me to say? More specific compliments? BANANA JOE. Relax. You already won the big dog contest, do you really need some people on a blog to flatter you more? Yes? Because you are a narcissist with lower self esteem than one would assume? Oh, Banana Joe. Well, the Petting Zoo isn’t all about you, buddy. In fact, it’s hardly about you at all. You already had your show. Now let’s let these other animals have theirs, ok? Ok, BJ? Can I call you BJ? Ok, BJ, LET’S GET TO THE VIDEOOOOS!

10. Goats Yelling Like Humans

9. Penguin Highway

8. Cat “Sings” “Tequila”

7. Crow Annoys Polar Bear

6. Cat Scared Of Piano

5. Sleepy Newborn Puppy

4. Baby Burrowing Owls

3. Labrador Helps French Bulldog

2. Sea Turtle Gets Prosthetic Flippers

1. Pig In A Wheelchair

WHOOPS, MR. OWL IS HANDSOME! I know it’s not customary to talk about number four first, but I know that’s what you were all thinking so I wanted to get it out of the way quickly. The guy in the owl video is surprise handsome. “Pig In A Wheelchair” and “Sea Turtle Gets Prosthetic Flippers” are both very sweet and also a bit sad, but mostly sweet. “Labrador Helps French Bulldog” is the perfect cure for the tinge of sadness left over from those first two, and “Sleepy Newborn Puppy” is the icing on the cute cake. Wonderful jobs all around. Congrats, guys! You’re all just as wonderful as Banana Joe! (Sorry, BJ!)