Up until this morning, everything I knew about Scott Disick I had learned from Gabe Delahaye: He is on the show Keeping Up With the Kardashians, he at one point had an eye patch, and he is Gabe Delahaye’s idol and Gabe loves him so much. But this morning my eyes were made fully open to the world of Scott Disick in the most wonderful way — the explanation of his daily routine, in his own words, to Haute Living, which I believe is either just a website or a website for a print magazine. The piece is preceded by an explanation that Disick is confident that no one knows what he actually does for a career, and that this is an attempt to set the record straight. What follows is basically a list of clothing items he chooses from, and it is so good, and I desperately want you to read all of it, but here are a few excerpts:

11 AM I prepare an outfit with a fine luxurious blend of the best fabrics out there on the market today, a bespoke suit from Savile Row or Tom Ford.

(ELEVEN AM.)

12 PM My biggest choice of the day is the wristwatch. If the day is professional and I know I have important meetings or am closing a business deal, I will wear what feels to be the most successful of my watches: a Patek Philippe. If my day seems more relaxed I will just wear a Rolex. If I know I have an event to go to and I want to be a little flashy I will wear one of my completely flawless diamond Jacob and Co. watches.

“Or am closing a business deal.” HahaaaaHAAAAAAHAAHahahahaha. AHHH! Classic businessman. I love this so much. We missed a step in between choosing the suit and choosing the watch, and the step is that he has to choose a shoe, so that’s why it makes sense that this has all taken an hour.

12:30 PM Another hard decision comes to hand: picking the right vehicle for the day. If it’s a nice day and the sun is out, I will take my Rolls Royce Drophead Convertible. If I’m in a sportier mood, I will take my 458 Ferrari. But if I’m just looking to lay back and enjoy my day, I will take my Bentley Mulsanne.

Right. He then uses his 1PM slot to say, “I like to get whatever business deals I’m involved in done on the early side of the day so I can be home early. Having dinner with my family is priority,” which DOES NOT COUNT as “1PM” because you didn’t even pick out anything, you are literally just saying the words “business deals” again and talking about wanting to go home already before you even GO TO WORK. But then, wait–

1-6 PM Most of my work is done on the phone or from a home office due to the fact I deal with a lot of people in other cities, though most are in New York.

YOU DON’T EVEN GO ANYWHERE? Why did you spend half an hour deciding on a car if you’re just going to stay home, Scott? Because I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND THAT’S JUST THE KIND OF MAN YOU ARE? Again, please go and read the whole thing even though I’ve already posted most of it here, but I’d like to leave you with my favorite part:

8:30 PM I love to get a little Internet time every night to research luxurious items such as cars and watches and private planes and boats.

Three hours picking out luxury items to wear for five hours of “business deals” conducted on the phone at home, leading up to a night of researching luxury items on the Internet. I love you, Scott Disick. No one is confused about what you do as a job anymore: You bring the world joy. That is more than enough.