I wrote in a diary nearly every day when I was in the 6th grade. Sitting in the back of the classroom, I would slander my peers, scribble down excessively analyzed encounters I had that week with The Tall Attractive 8th Grader, and talk shit on my mom. Being 11 is tough, but when I looked back on those diaries years later, I felt bad for being such a jerk. So, like any reasonable (read: very embarrassed) adult would, I ripped out certain pages and shredded them! I will never know exactly how [Redacted] said “Hey” to me in the hallway between third and fourth period, but I really don’t care. Those pages were for my eyes only, and there’s no telling where they could’ve ended up. Imagine if we were going through Hillary Clinton’s 6th grade diary instead of her email server…

Anyway, some people want to preserve their assholism for posterity, which is how podcasts like Mortified are able to exist. This is a series dedicated to giving adults a space to share their, well, mortifying love letters, poems, and diary entries. As Pitchfork points out, the folks at Mortified started a new segment this week called “The Mortified Muse” in which musicians transform these horrific bits of memorabilia into songs. Chvrches mark the series’ first musical act, and they recorded a song that a then-14-year-old guy named Nat Miller penned for his crush. The girl’s name was Laurel, and the song is not the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Listen below at the 25-minute mark.