Brockhampton ringleader Kevin Abstract released his new solo album, ARIZONA BABY, last month. But in a now deleted voice memo, he said that he no longer feels comfortable releasing music, lamenting his RCA record deal.

He shared the memo Friday night on his website. “I’m currently writing music, and songs and albums from hell,” Abstract says over a piano-led beat. “Saturation 1, 2 and 3, was my moment of catching magic…I have to release music not from joy but from obligation, which will cause messy, unfinished work.”

He also compares himself to Lauryn Hill: “I’m currently living my Lauryn Hill moment. She made one of the greatest pieces of music and it seems so unattainable from other people. It’s like she caught magic…Whatever happened to Lauryn Hill after Miseducation put her in a place where she no longer wanted to make music…it kind of sent her to hell in a way.”

“There’s this whole idea of Michael Jackson that I’ve been attracted to since I was a child, in terms of fame. It’s totally dead and unattainable. I could become way more famous, but I’ll never reach the level of hysteria that he was at.”

Listen to a recording of the voice memo via Reddit.