Justin Bieber just released Changes, his first album in five years. It sucks. It’s really bad. I was thinking about reviewing the album when it came out, but when Changes arrived, it was just a vaporous waft of awkwardly phrased hey-I’m-married-now sweet nothings, and I just couldn’t think of anything more to say about it. Meanwhile, James Corden starred in the movie Cats, and the world was rocked with the revelation that he doesn’t always drive when he’s making Carpool Karaoke. (He apologized.) Clearly, both of those guys needed a pick-me-up. Last night’s Carpool Karaoke is not it.

Bieber did Carpool Karaoke a couple of times back in his pre-mustache days. He was always pretty good at it! Bieber, among our most reserved and reluctant global-star types, seemed relaxed enough around Corden that he could get a little loose and have a little fun. But that’s not really what happens on the most recent Carpool Karaoke. Instead, Bieber merely looks blank and impatient while running through rote comedy bits, singing “Smelly Cat” from Friends or arm-wrestling Corden.

There are only a couple of reasons to watch the new Justin Bieber Carpool Karaoke. One is to marvel at the splendid dirtbag look that Bieber has cultivated. The other is to listen to Bieber argue that he could, in fact, beat up Tom Cruise. The money quote: “My agility is crazy. My agility is insane. He is an actor. He is an actor. I don’t think you understand the mind control that I have. My mind control is another specimen. I’m different. I’m the Conor McGregor of… entertainment.” Watch all of this unfold below.

Changes is out now on RBMG/Def Jam.