Comments

My favorite part was staring at your icon and pretending like it was actually me falling through the air, hopefully to my death. But I will persevere! For Michael.
Yeah, I was just about to turn the TV off and then my teenage self went "whoa, whoa, whoa." This is how those Twilight girls must feel!
Guys, maybe we should just go and vow to never talk about this again. It's not like our participation in this spectacle is recorded anywhere.
All right, I give up. This programming is bringing out the devil in my machine. Blame Kanye.
I actually hope everyone he supports wins from now on so that by the end of the show, he has to use up his rehearsed tirade on something really irrational. (Sorry: more irrational.) Like, maybe he'll just get in a fight with himself on stage.
Is Pete Wentz a little person? I would've liked him a lot more if I had known.
You clearly don't love Michael Jackson enough. God, tonight was about him. You couldn't give him one night?
How come your VH1 isn't also playing the Music Awards? I don't mean to be a conspiracy theorist but I'm almost positive that this dumb show is playing on every single channel on my TV.
And all of a sudden, our viewing party makes sense. Worth it. Thanks, Kanye.
Come on now! Isn't my life bad enough? I'm watching the MTV Music Awards.
I'd just like to note that I made that comment before seeing Lady Gaga. I really wish I had waited 30 seconds.
I'd just like to note that I made that comment before seeing Lady Gaga. I really wish I had waited 30 seconds.
It's either the crazy hat or the ill-fitting suit, Russell. One or the other--you can't have both. (He continues to have both.)
That intro brought a level of discomfort I wasn't expecting. And I was expecting a lot of discomfort. But! On the bright side, I now know that Michael Jackson was a king but also a man but mostly a king but still a man.
"I never said we were friends." Let's be clear, T.I. is not here to make friends.
Well, I only corrected you so that someone somewhere would think of me as Professor Punky. Win-win.
Didn't Cheri get locked in the refrigerator? Alan wasn't able to save her because he wasn't paying attention in CPR class. Or something. I CAN BARELY REMEMBER. Also, "Punky's favorite phrase's"? Just because she was an orphan doesn't mean she didn't know proper grammar.
I don't want to alarm anyone, but I closed the page while the video played, and it continued to play. Until it finished. It's playing as I type this--from internet space or something. This is the worst and creepiest day of my life. In other news, they shouldn't have made the chorus catchy--do you WANT people to be humming along to this?
When I first looked, it seemed like he had a mullet in that tattoo. Why doesn't he actually have a mullet in that tattoo?
Don't forget to keep your .2 trillion dollar coin safe in a coin purse. It would take a lot of Sacagaweas to replace that sucker.
I don't know--she does look pretty fancy. You're really turning me around here, career woman.
Oh, sorry. Proof that it's a thing, especially a thing that Russell probably has: http://videogum.com/archives/documentaries/are-you-the-nword-because-youv_028931.html
No, no. That's ok; Russell had racist tourette's so you're right. I wasn't offended because that's a real thing but the rest of the theater didn't seem into it.
Plus, if it's not providing any superhuman powers in the first few years, you should probably quit. Five years just seems delusional. Among other things.
Yeah, exactly. This commercial makes me a toddler. It comes on and I'm laughing and clapping and shouting "Ice cream!" to no one in particular, and then I get distracted by something loud and colorful.
I'm almost entirely positive that this is the point of having children (besides vanity)--you can find a way to feel superior about almost anything. i, for one, think this is GOOD for the orphans of the world. They're always portrayed as being vulnerable and then get pushed around when they just want some more mush/porridge. Or they're made to feel like they have to sing songs to entertain bald millionaires in order to stay off the streets. Always singing songs....BUT THEY AREN'T PUPPETS. And it's time we put the fear of god into "adoption advocates."
I don't know why, but I really like being referred to as a "gummer." Probably not in real life, but definitely on the internet.
This actually can't get stuck in my head because my brain can't quite comprehend what it's hearing. "Veto!"--My brain.
Geez, just kidding, guys. Palin 2012...(?)
I feel like Glenn Beck is on his period, like, all the time. This is why we can't have a woman president.
Oh. Um. What? I think you missed my.....Ok fine, I hope on all the internet stands for (nothing) that that's not their mother.
I'm not sure hoping it's not their mother is really making this situation any less creepy. It just means they're watching a woman who's not their mother doing a booty dance in short shorts. Still: ramifications.
If Jessie were my ex-girlfriend/best friend (and if I were also a guy), I'd totally be gay, too. So it's not the eyeliner and the fashion and wanting-to-have-sex-with-men that makes PC gay; it's clearly Jessie the Monster.
My favorite part about The View this morning (hey, lay off, guys; I'm unemployed and masochistic) was when Joy said she found a lot of Bruno to be spot-on and Elizabeth said, "Well, your sense of humor is rather European." And then they talked about masturbation and Sherri said her church group says she's not allowed to do it because the fantasies in one's head are a sin, and Whoopi said she only has to fantasize about herself to get off. WHAT I'M SAYING IS we should all be hate-watching The View.
I don't really have sympathy for Glenn Beck (he's obviously insufferable), but I couldn't get through that entire clip because watching people embarrass themselves on TV makes me feel awkward inside. (All reality TV excluded, of course.)
But...what was with the Minesweeper cliffhanger? I could watch that guy not lose immediately at Minesweeper for hours (or at least another 30 seconds). Unsatisfying.
Basically. But you know who wouldn't have messed up like that? Damon Weaver. Professionalism!
Oops. Sorry, TheRealMatt. That's what you just said. I guess I'm destined to follow in your footsteps.