9. Jack White – "Sixteen Saltines” Blue Liquid-Filled 12" With Playable Etching: The original “Sixteen Saltines” single came with a playable etching on the B side containing a cover of U2's “Love is Blindness”. But why get that on plain-old boring black vinyl when you could have it in CLEAR VINYL FILLED WITH BLUE LIQUID? Complaints that these leak aside—it's like an ocean inside a record. Your very own ocean, a soundtrack to match, and the knowledge that you own something beyond the realms of the absurd: all brought to you by Jack White.

8. Jack White Holga Camera: Lo-fi photography, real-film lomography, retro-stylized analogue snapshottery—whatever you want to call it, is it any surprise there exists a magical Jack-branded Holga camera, complete with attachable fish-eye lens, color-wheel flash, and a peppermint filter? (Meg White has her own matching Diana+ version.)

7. Raconteurs Stylophone: Signature guitars are passé. But a miniature stylus-controlled organ you can carry in your peacoat pocket? Far more stylish. (Sheet music included!)

6. Dead Weather Triple Decker 12" + 7" Records: In 2010, Jack White and his personal record label, Third Man Records, invented the most fascinatingly inefficient use of vinyl (probably ever) with the introduction of his patented Triple Decker Record. A single-sided 12" single with a hidden 7" single inside,  you get a grand total of... two songs. In his own words, "One of the many mind games we love to play with you here at Third Man Records."

5. White Stripes Sewing Kit: When the hardest button to button becomes an unbearable burden, console yourself with the knowledge  there's a sewing kit containing 38 potentially-easier-to-button buttons. Bonus: the peppermint buttons will elevate even the lowliest Christmas sweater to the pinnacle of tacky holiday fashion.

4. White Stripes Kilts + Balmoral + Kilt Hose + Can Crest Pin: It was hard to imagine a celtic angle for the White Stripes until “Prickly Thorn, But Sweetly Worn” introduced bagpipes into the equation on Icky Thump. That track doubles as a cheeky description of the White Stripes custom line of kilt-driven fashion (available in Hunter and Dress tartans), complete with kilt hose, saucy little hat (that's a Balmoral), and an official clan crest pin. You might miss the White Stripes dearly, but at least you can still dress like them.

3. White Stripes Mini Thermin: Wave those hands and create your own sonic wormhole with this miniature, ready-to-assemble theremin kit. No musical ability required, especially if you enjoy the sound of atonal dive-bombing UFOs.

2. Jack White "Freedom at 21" Helium Balloon Flexi Vinyl: Flexi vinyl isn't exactly groundbreaking (more like flimsy, throwback fun), but the method of distribution here is certainly lofty. Tied to biodegradable helium balloons and released into the wild, the “Freedom at 21” single is sure to irritate Jack White completists who don't live within, I don't know, several hundred miles of Third Man Records' home base in Nashville, TN. (These have been spotted as far away as Tuscaloosa, Alabama since their April launch.)

1. White Strips Triple Inchophone + 3" Records: Supposedly the rarest of all White Stripes creations, the Triple Inchophone is a Japanese record player that plays 3" records. Only 400 players exist and the records rarely, if ever, appear on Ebay. Reading this, you know you want one just because you can't have one.