I know it’s early, and that you might be a person who likes to stand in the morning while you still have a good amount of energy (so you can feel a little less guilty when you sit for the rest of the day), but I am going to have to implore you to sit down right now and not risk the chance of making the people around you, who are just trying to get through their days without having to watch you STAND at work like a stupid lunatic, revive you when you straight up pass out and hit your skull on the ground from this Robert Pattinson news. Okay? DID YOU FOLLOW? WAS IT POSSIBLE TO FOLLOW? I AM REALLY NOT SURE IF IT WAS, IN ANY CASE, I HOPE YOU TOOK MY ADVICE BECAUSE HERE IT COMES, FROM E ONLINE:

“I was a brush-your-teeth-and-have-a-shower kind of guy. I can’t tell if it’s because of my association with Dior or because I’m older, but I’ve started moisturizing,” the Twilight heartthrob revealed, citing Dermo System Repairing Moisturizing Emulsion as his favorite skin salve. “It’s been a quite a profound change in my life,” he added with a tinge of sarcasm.

Is anyone else sick? Ahhh. I know I said to sit down, and I was sitting, but it doesn’t really help the dizziness. Guhhh. Well. Pull it together, everybody, we’re adults. We can do this. Each of us, even Robert Pattinson, will decay until one day our hearts stop pumping blood through our dirty old bodies, at which point we’ll begin the process of becoming dirt. We’re almost there. Whether your dirt is Dermo System Repairing Moist or not, and whether that’s because of your Dior association or what, well, that is up to you, but we all know what Robert’s situation will be. Uggghhhh. Is anyone else thirsty? Like, so thirsty? Is it dark inside, or just outside and the darkness is coming in through the windows? Moisturizer? Guys?