Once again, I forgot to mail in my ballot for the People's Choice Awards. After so many years, you have to wonder why we even bother playing McDonald's Monopoly, saving all of our Monopoly tear-offs, and mailing them in for our People's Choice ballot if we're not even going to remember to mail the ballot back to People's Choice HQ in time for the ceremony. Uggghh. What a waste! The show went on without us, though, hosted by 2 Broke Girls' Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs. I did not watch it, because I am a human being, and literally every human being has something better to do than watch the People's Choice Awards. Dogs left alone in houses for a few hours? Maybe they can watch the People's Choice Awards, so they don't get lonely, but leave the rest of us out of it. The results are insane, though. I mean -- really, the categories are insane. The results are garbage, no duh, but the categories read as if the People's Choice Awards got in trouble with everyone in Hollywood's mom for not having enough yearbook superlatives for everyone, so they just made a hyper-specific superlative for every single person. "On-Screen Chemistry" is a category. "TV Gal Pals" is a category. "TV Anti-Hero" is a category that Bryan Cranston didn't even win. (Oh, but don't worry, Breaking Bad did get the coveted "Series We Miss Most.") Oh brother. Speaking of Bryan Cranston, he for some reason made a sort-of appearance in the incredibly bad opening skit -- like, I don't want to pick on it too much, because it is the People's Choice Awards and what do you expect, but it begins in the 2 Broke Girls diner and Christina Aguilera is a waitress and says it's okay that they don't get a lot of tips because she has enough tips, and she points to her breasts? -- WHAT? -- which you can watch after the jump. Also after the jump: all the winners! YAY! OUR WINNERS!
Beth Behrs & Kat Dennings Open The People... by IdolxMuzic
Movie Actress: Sandra Bullock
Movie Actor: Johnny Depp
Movie: Iron Man 3
Movie Duo: Sandra Bullock and George Clooney (Gravity)
Action Movie: Iron Man 3
Dramatic Movie: Gravity
Dramatic Movie Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio
Dramatic Movie Actress: Sandra Bullock
Family Movie: Despicable Me 2
Horror Movie: Carrie
Thriller Movie: Now You See Me
Favorite Year-End Movie: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Comedic Movie: The Heat
Action Movie Star: Robert Downey Jr.
Comedic Movie Actress: Sandra Bullock
Album: The 20/20 Experience, Justin Timberlake
Daytime TV Host: Ellen DeGeneres
New Talk-Show Host: Queen Latifah
Competition TV Show: The Voice
Comedic Movie Actor: Adam Sandler
Network TV Drama: The Good Wife
On-Screen Chemistry: Ian Somerhalder (Damon) and Nina Dobrev (Elena), The Vampire Diaries
Pop Artist: Britney Spears
Comedic TV Actress: Kaley Cuoco
Comedic TV Actor: Chris Colfer
Dramatic TV Actor: Josh Charles
Cable TV Drama: The Walking Dead
Actor in a New TV Series: Joseph Morgan
Late-Night Talk Show Host: Stephen Colbert
Humanitarian: Jennifer Hudson
Actress in a New TV Series: Sarah Michelle Gellar
Network TV Comedy: The Big Bang Theory
Sci-fi/Fantasy TV Actor: Ian Somerhalder
Cable TV Actress: Lucy Hale
Streaming Series: Orange Is the New Black
Dramatic TV Actress: Stana Katic
TV Crime Drama: Castle
Cable TV Comedy: Psych
Premium Cable TV Show: Homeland
TV Anti-Hero: Andrew Lincoln (Rick Grimes), The Walking Dead
Sci-fi/Fantasy TV Show: Beauty and the Beast
Sci-fi/Fantasy TV Actress: Kristin Kreuk
New TV Comedy: Super Fun Night
New TV Drama: Reign
TV Bromance: Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins (Sam, Dean and Castiel), Supernatural
TV Gal Pals: Naya Rivera and Lea Michele (Santana and Rachel), Glee
TV Movie/Mini-Series: American Horror Story
Series We Miss Most: Breaking Bad
Male Artist: Justin Timberlake
Female Artist: Demi Lovato
Breakout Artist: Ariana Grande
Country Artist: Taylor Swift
Country Music Icon: Tim McGraw
Hip-Hop Artist: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
R&B Artist: Justin Timberlake
Band: One Direction
Alternative Band: Fall Out Boy
Song: Roar, Katy Perry
Music Fan Following: Lovatics (Demi Lovato fans)
Music Video: Roar, Katy Perry
