I gotta tell you, my man, there’s nothing like cruising through the aisles of the g-store on you board. Need chicken stock? No prob, just cruise on by and throw that chicken stock in your cart — easy peasy, you don’t even need to stop. Need cereal, but the cereal you need is the kind that’s in bags on the bottom shelf, not because you can’t afford the stuff at the top — you’re Zac Efron in some cases, after all — but because that’s just the kind you like? And if you can save a little money on cereal — which is sincerely crazy expensive and has no reason to be — well, then that’s just a bonus? Not a prob, boss, just lie your bod right down on your board and swim that thing on by. Need to check out produce but you can’t really tell what the best quality item is because also you have your sunglasses on for no reason? Take your time, dude, and just ollie in place for a while! Listen, when you’ve got your board under your feet, there is nothing that’s gonna bring you down. And if anyone has a problem with it, they should get their own board! You can’t be held responsible for every other lamer’s board-related happiness — that’s a totally gnarly expectation, bro! Cowabunga! Don’t have a cow! CAPTION HIM!

Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball and one dream about skateboarding through a grocery store with Zac Efron. (Full-size skateboarding after the jump.) (Image via Pajiba.)