I didn’t see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug this weekend both because I was unable to carve out 400 hours from my schedule and because, although I love Benedict Cumberbatch’s voice as much as the next everyone, I have 0 interest in it. SMAUG ME WHY DON’T YOU. If I’m going to carve out 400 hours out of my anxiety nightmare pre-holiday week to see a movie, it’s going to be just about any other movie at the box office right now, because they’re all so god damn long, and they all are more interesting to me than wizards and dwarves on a quest from (what I assume amounts to) the mind of Peter Jackson. PHEW! I’m a real pill! That said: Did you love it? Hahah. Did you, though? We all have different hearts and brains, so if you agree not to smaug me for not wanting to see it, I certainly will not smaug you for loving it. Did you see it? I’ve heard lots of mixed things. For example, Betsy Sharkey of the LA Times says, “Peter Jackson’s newest installment of the Tolkien trilogy is set afire by the scorching roar of a dragon.” But Pablo Villaca of Cinema em Cena says, “A representação física do conceito de ‘excesso’.” It’s anyone’s game, as far as hastily chosen pull quotes from Rotten Tomatoes are concerned. So, what did you think? 10/10 Smaugs? Would Smaug again?