Hausu is a perfect movie about an ageless lady who gets to live in a super fun, haunted Pee-Wee’s Playhouse type of house, and all she has to do to maintain her lifestyle is eat a bunch of beautiful, unmarried girls every once in a while. What’s the big deal?! I don’t see what’s so scary or wrong about an independent woman living the afterlife she wants to live. And if the beautiful, unmarried girls aren’t smart enough to realize that they’re all disappearing one by one and turning into floating ghost body parts, even though someone sees it and informs the others of it each time, well, then, that’s just their own fault, isn’t it? Did they think that they could just show up at someone’s house and demand food without being asked anything in return? Give me a break! Not in 1977, and not now. Anyway, I read that Hausu is based on a dream that Nobuhiko Obayashi’s 11-year-old daughter had, which makes all of the sense that something could make. Did they just FILM the dream? How did we lose the technology to film dreams between 1977 and now?! (Just kidding, I know that technology is still used when photographing Aaron Paul.) (LOL, MY LOVE!) I barely even know how to talk about this movie. (Trying after the jump.)

It looks like a glow-y, float-y, dance-y nightmare, and the second half of the movie is 100% screaming. Hahah. A girl gets eaten by a piano? A head bites a butt and then barfs fruit punch. Somehow everyone knows that if you put a watermelon in a well it will keep it cold. My favorite part in the movie was when one girl was staring at another girl, alternating between closing one eye and then the other, and then the camera moved in the way that objects move when you do that with your eyes. Do you know what I mean? Man, this movie! When Spring Breakers came out earlier this year almost every review called it a “fever dream,” and I’ve never had a fever dream myself, but I have to believe that Hausu is MUCH closer to experiencing an actual fever dream. (I imagine fever dreams as including a lot of surreal murder, screaming, dancing with skeletons, and multiple scenes that remind me of the green screen work in the movie Labyrinth.) Umm, so. I don’t know what to say! See this movie if you haven’t. It’s fine if you don’t like scary movies, it doesn’t matter. If you don’t like movies that make you feel like a crazy person maybe stay away from it, but also HOW ABOUT JUST LIVE A LITTLE! I think that’s the main truth to be taken from Hausu: you have got to live a little while you can, because if you’re an unmarried girl — EVEN IF YOU ARE ENGAGED — you never know when you’re going to be eaten. Perfect, the end. To close, here is a Lana Del Rey song set to the final scene of the movie for I don’t know what reason.

Great! And the final movie of Videogum’s SpooOoooOooky Movie Club will be: Rosemary’s Baby!