Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the main event of today’s feud watch! In this corner, coming to us from New Jersey by way of Germany, weighing in at probably, I don’t know, 200 pounds? I’m not great at guessing how much men weigh, the actor whom we all know from the NBC television series Friends, on which he played the boyfriend of Rachel who also happened to be the father of one of Ross’s girlfriends, BRRRUUUUUUUUCE WILLIS! (Please click here for appropriate sound effect.) And in this corner, coming to us from New York City, New York, also weighing in at let’s say 200 pounds, the man who completed his undergrad at the University of Miami and came to be immortalized in one of the at one most beloved and most be-hated sculptures in the city of Philadelphia, his father was a hairdresser, SYLVESTERRR STAAAALOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOONE! (Please click here for appropriate sound effect.) AND THE RING IS TWWWIIITTTER! (Please click here for appropriate sound effect.) When we last checked in with Bruce Willis he was being a piece of shit to someone trying to do his job, and it now looks like both The Expendables and Sylvester Stallone have nailed him with a one-two punch to the face! (I’ve never even been NEAR boxing.)

WILLIS OUT… HARRISON FORD IN !!!! GREAT NEWS !!!!! Been waiting years for this!!!!

— Sylvester Stallone (@TheSlyStallone) August 6, 2013

GREEDY AND LAZY …… A SURE FORMULA FOR CAREER FAILURE

— Sylvester Stallone (@TheSlyStallone) August 6, 2013

And he hasn’t even deleted the tweets yet! KKNNNOCK OUT! (Yeah?) Somewhere Bruce Willis, confident in his belief that at least Sylvester Stallone would always have his back, even if he acted like a weird newly-minted garbage human, is checking his daughter’s Twitter while she tries to wrestle the phone away from him. “There’s nothing on Twitter you want to see!” she’s shouting. “Dad, this is my phone! Twitter is stupid, I should have never explained it to you, I don’t even know why Sylvester Stallone knows about it, STOP, DAD!” But it’s too late. The damage has been done. R.I.P. Bruce Willis in The Expendables. Long live #feuds.