We all know how bad television is for children. It rots their brains! And I think if you sit too close to it, it does something to your eyes? It burns your eyeballs? You should always sit at least six inches away from the television screen. But did you know that television is also bad for children because it is constantly battering them around their heads? From NPR:

About every 30 minutes a child ends up in the emergency room with injuries caused by a television, a study finds, most often because the TV falls on a young child.

AHHHH! Every 30 minutes? That seems like an awful lot. I mean, 30 minutes is not that long. Guys, THE TELEVISIONS ARE TRYING TO KILL US! The children are our future, and without them, we have no future. This is what the TVs want! They are trying to terraform the Earth to give it an environment that more closely resembles their home planet, which is just broken glass everywhere and no human children. Well I say no more. I say that today, at the edge of our hope, at the end of our time, we have chosen to believe in each other! Today we face the televisions that are at our door. Today we are cancelling the apocalypse! By putting nerf balls on our televisions and tying our children to anchored leashes with a restricted range of movement well out of the range of the television’s blast radius! (Image via Shutterstock.)