Under The Dome premiered on CBS last night and it’s pretty good so far! I have not read Stephen King’s book, so I really am at the mercy of the show. This must be how people who watch Game of Thrones but haven’t read the books feel! I am nervous for Under the Dome’s “Red Wedding” but also excited because they will all be stuck UNDER THE DOME! Anyway, the show sets up lots of fun characters who are also very classically Stephen King. Like, we see two college-aged kids, uh, you know, kissing, and clearly their relationship is a little troubled and then two seconds later the guy, Junior, turns out to be a potentially suicidal, butterfly knife wielding sociopath who ends up locking his girlfriend in his dad’s bomb shelter. Sure! That’s a “fun” character (and my apologies to anyone who suddenly realizes I do not know what the word “fun” means and feels misled) but also very Stephen King. Anyway, there are lots of these interesting characters left and right and then this mysterious, mildly electrified, spooky dome comes crashing down and Damien Hirst’s all the cows and airplanes and dump truck crash into it. It’s very dramatic, and unfortunately I do suspect that most of the future episodes will have far fewer things crashing into the dome, which is quite honestly one of the best parts of the dome. Like, if you HAVE to be trapped under a dome, you might as well have stuff crash into it. Anyway: there is Hank from Breaking Bad, and children having haunted seizures that are going to eventually help explain where this dome came from in a way that is almost certainly a disappointment but for now I am very much on board, and a mysterious stockpile of propane (?!) and there’s a hit man who is falling in love with his most recent victim’s wife, who also played Princess Merida in Brave, I think. All trapped. UNDER THE DOME! Which kind of makes you wonder: what would Jesus do if He was trapped under the dome? But more importantly: what would YOU do?

Well, first thing I would do is what the guy in this screengrab is doing, which is wring “Call FAA Shut Down Airspace” on my Moleskin and show it to the people trapped on the other side of the dome. And those people would be like, no, totally. First things first: let us call FAA shut down airspace. We read and understand your note and feel this is a simple thing for us to accomplish, and quickly. Then I would turn the page of my notebook and write: Party at your house? 9PM? We can’t have a party at my house because dome or no dome, it’s just too small and I would get nervous about you guys ruining my stuff and my dog wouldn’t like it or maybe she would escape what with all of the coming and going which I guess isn’t that big of a deal since she would be somewhere within the dome, but still not worth the headache. Actually, during last night’s episode of Under the Dome, two of the characters are teenagers whose parents are stuck outside of the dome, and so they are going to be on their own, and my first thought was THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST PROJECT X YET! But then two scenes later another kid tells them that their house party is going to be “off the hook” so clearly I have a very pedestrian imagination when it comes to what to do under the Dome.

Now, remember, this isn’t Under the Purge. There are still cops and stuff, although one of them did touch the dome and his pacemaker exploded. So, there’s less cops, but there’s cops. Comment on, Wayne! Comment on, Garth!