Back in 1993, a college football movie starring James Caan, Halle Berry, and Omar Epps called The Program created quite a bit of controversy when outraged parents criticized it for a scene in which some of the players laid down in traffic as a rite of passage proving their manliness. The Disney Company even agreed to remove the scene after a couple kids died supposedly imitating their heroes, the characters from The Program. (Weirdly enough, I got in trouble with my mom for lying in the middle of the road one time and I never even saw The Program. Lying in the road was just something we did back then. Like going to the soda fountain, or walking to school uphill both ways. The world was more racist simpler back then (and also more racist). The controversy over the movie The Program really was kind of a thing when it happened, which I know because I remember it and I never saw the movie and was not exactly FOLLOWING THE NEWS in 1993. I was more of a FOXTROT MAN at the time. But seriously, what do parents even do with their outrage these days? The Program was a MAKE BELIEVE MOVIE about COLLEGIATE SPORTS. It had a plot! And professional actors! Nowadays kids are inundated with decontextualized video footage of literally the craziest shit, and Walt Disney cannot help you. What are you going to do now, mom? Write letters to the sun asking it not to shine? Call your congressman and demand water not to be wet?! Today, in We Are Feeling Old And The World Makes Us Nervous News, a man in Saudia Arabia casually texting on the hood of a speeding car for no particular reason:

Very chill. I bet it was a good text too. Very important, just like all texts, and therefore worth it. (Via TheDailyWhat.)