“You’re probably wondering, ‘Hey, why do you need two girlfriends? The rest of us only have one or zero and we’re doing fine! What’s up with you, buddy?’ And I’ll tell you what I tell everybody: I have two girlfriends because one of them gives me the news, and the other one gives me the weather! Hahaha. What am I, supposed to walk around not knowing what the news is? Or the weather? Hahaaaa. Ahhh. The guys like that one. No, but seriously, I have two of them because each of them has something that the other one doesn’t provide and we’re all okay with the situation and you should mind your own damn business. Am I upset that my younger girlfriend seems to be consistently bullying my older girlfriend on air for no reason while they’re both supposed to be doing their jobs like the professionals they were hired to be? Sure. But that’s just Nicole! You shouldn’t play with fire if you don’t want to get burned, as they say, and Nicole is nothing but hot-hot fire. Am I proud of my older girlfriend, Carol, for finally sticking up for herself even though what she said was also unprofessional, but you can see how she was driven to it, and it was pretty funny, so basically all is forgiven? For sure. Carol’s great. Do I want them to resolve whatever tension is occurring behind-the-scenes so we can get our news and our weather without being subjected to so much weird tension and passive aggression? Uh-doooooooy, NO!! Did you see this video compilation?! I’m LOLing over here! I already sent it to all my email buds!” -You

Hahahaha. YOU DO PROBABLY SAY THAT THOUGH, CAROL! YOU’RE PROBABLY ALAWYS LIKE THAT WHEN PEOPLE DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE! Ugggghh, you’re the worst and I NEVER see your halo. (Via Gawker.)