1. Before you choose your brunette, make sure you have a good understanding of your brunette’s habitat and what she will need to live a happy and healthy life. Does she have any allergies? What books and magazines would she like to read? Do you have a steady Internet connection, in case she needs it?
2. Prepare your home for your brunette. Make sure it doesn’t smell like garbage (take out the garbage) and make sure there are no signs of any former brunettes with whom you failed to succeed.
3. Is your home prepared?
4. Did you remember to take out the garbage? Open the windows, too, unless it is raining. (If it is raining make sure you bring an umbrella.) (Not for your brunette, but for you. You need an umbrella.) (It is for sure “only water.” But does that mean when you go out to dinner you dump water on your head? Because it is only water?)
5. Put on a respectable outfit and head to pick up your brunette.

Just remember to hold her chair up in the air and throw her food into her mouth at dinnertime and you’ll be fine! Good luck, gentlemen! (Via Buzzfeed.)