Brad Pitt is the subject of the cover article of Esquire this month, talking about whatever it is that Brad Pitt talks about. I’m literally not sure. I could read the whole thing and at the end I would just be like, uh, he’s Brad Pitt? I heard him on Fresh Air one time and after 45 minutes of answering Terry Gross’s questions, the only thing I remember him saying is that he doesn’t like to talk about himself because he’s from the midwest. Haha. OK! Anyways, it’s hard out there for a shrimp, but it’s even harder out there for a Brad Pitt!

“So many people hate me because they think I’m disrespecting them,” he says. “So I swear to God, I took one year where I just said, This year, I’m just going to cop to it and say to people, ‘Okay, where did we meet?’ But it just got worse. People were more offended. Every now and then, someone will give me context, and I’ll say, ‘Thank you for helping me.’ But I piss more people off. You get this thing, like, ‘You’re being egotistical. You’re being conceited.’ But it’s a mystery to me, man. I can’t grasp a face and yet I come from such a design/aesthetic point of view. I am going to get it tested.” It’s gotten to the point where he doesn’t even like going out — “that’s why I stay at home” — but he’s also a public person, the center of crowds. “You meet so many damned people,” he says. “And then you meet ‘em again.”

You meet so many damned people, and then you meet ‘em again. HAS THERE BEEN A MORE CRYSTALLIZED TRUTH?!
It’s weird that Brad Pitt has such a hard time remembering faces since he comes from a design/aesthetic point of view. CAN’T YOU GUYS SEE THAT HE IS NOT WELL?! He’s sick! Seriously, though, who are these people getting so mad at Brad Pitt?

He’s Brad Pitt, guys, cut him some slack. “Brad Pitt didn’t remember me at the party.” Grow up. No one remembered you. Is there anything worse than meeting someone and having them grumpily tell you that you’ve already met them? It definitely leaves a very memorable impression of someone that you wish you’d never met! Now imagine you’re Brad Pitt and this happens. What a nightmare. “You are so conceited, Brad Pitt.” “Well, I do the best I can. I’m literally one of the single most famous people in the whole world who is faced with a near constant stream of people wanting something from me whether it’s an autograph, a photograph, a job, a donation, or a performance, but I guess that one time that you saw me in the lobby of a hotel and you told me that your kid really loved Fight Club even though you yourself had admittedly never seen it should have stuck in my mind more because you’re obviously great and maybe we could continue this conversation somewhere more private because I’d love to hear your thoughts on Obama’s foreign policy.” Good grief. Is no one safe? Would you hit it?