WEEEEOOOOOOOOO! WEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOO! BONK! BONK! BONK! BONK! MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. THIS IS THE PARENT ALARM. THAT IS, THE ALARM THAT SOUNDS WHEN A CHILD WHO FOR SURE NEEDS SOME SORT OF PARENTAL DISCIPLINE OR AT LEAST A BIT OF PARENTAL ATTENTION IS FOUND IN A YOUTUBE VIDEO. BONK! BONK! BONK! BONK! DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. BONK! BONK! BON–OKAY I SEE THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. WHILE THIS CHILD MAY EXPRESS OPINIONS SOME OF US SHARE ABOUT HOW GOOD HOT CHEETOS ARE, ESPECIALLY WHEN COMPARED TO EATING BANANA CHIPS WITH KETCHUP, WHICH SOME OF US ALARMS DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE WAS A THING PEOPLE ATE, HIS VULGARITY REACHES WELL BEYOND CHARMING, FAR PAST UNNECESSARY, AND DEEP INTO THE AREA OF WORRYING. WHY IS THIS CHILD SO ANGRY?! WHAT ARE YOU ALLOWING HIM TO WATCH ON TELEVISION? EXCLUSIVELY THE WIRE, OR DO YOU ALLOW HIM OZ AND THE SOPRANOS AS WELL? WHILE IT IS CUTE WHEN HE CAN’T EVEN OPEN THE DRINK THAT HE’S CURSING ABOUT, I DO — AS AN ALARM — URGE YOU TO TAKE ALL OF THESE SNACKS AWAY FROM HIM, GIVE HIM A KISS ON THE FOREHEAD, AND TELL HIM THAT HE’S GROUNDED FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE. COMPUTER PRIVILEGES SHOULD BE COMPLETELY TAKEN AWAY. HE IS ALLOWED ONLY TO READ BOOKS AND PRACTICE PIANO, AND OH, THOSE BANANA CHIPS HE HATES SO MUCH? SAY HELLO TO THEM AT SNACK TIME EVERY DAY. THIS IS THE END OF THE ALARM. WE TRY TO BE AS SPECIFIC AS POSSIBLE WHEN RECORDING OUR ALARMS. HEADPHONES UP.

Banana chips are way gross, though. (Via Uproxx.)