Kelly: Hey, Gabe!
Gabe: hey kelly
Kelly: How’s it going
Gabe: great
Kelly: That’s good!
Gabe: i don’t know if you know this, but my people escaped egypt
Gabe: so we’ve got that going for us
Gabe: still riding that wave
Kelly: That’s really really good.
Gabe: how are you?
Kelly: I’m fine
Kelly: I mean, nothing like your thing
Kelly: But definitely fine
Gabe: right, just going to church and waiting for heaven
Kelly: Right
Kelly: Jesus rose from the dead and ascended into Heaven so my mom’s going to bring me some candy this weekend
Kelly: That’ll be nice
Kelly: DID YOU HEAR CHANNING TATUM WOULD HAVE SEX WITH GEORGE CLOONEY?!
Gabe: wait
Gabe: IS THERE SOMEONE WHO WOULDN’T HAVE SEX WITH GEORGE CLOONEY?

Kelly: Only his immediate family members
Kelly: (I HOPE)
Gabe: i’ve seen magic mike, and i’m pretty sure channing tatum would have sex with anything
Gabe: you know how sometimes people will talk about someone who will have sex with anything that moves?
Gabe: i don’t feel like the “moves” part is that important to channing tatum
Gabe: he just is really good at sex, it looks like
Gabe: he can’t be tied down
Gabe: by the limitations
Gabe: of the other person/inanimate object/floor
Kelly: hahaha
Kelly: I wonder how HIS WIFE would feel about you saying that.
Gabe: she knows what i’m talking about
Gabe: the one person in this world who def knows what i’m talking about
Gabe: is jenna dewan
Kelly: I guess you’re right
Gabe: she’s like “yeah, no, i know, i’m married to him, i know all about it.”
Kelly: “He will have sex with anything.”
Gabe: i was about to say that it is funny
Gabe: how the supreme court is considering the legal arguments surrounding gay marriage this week
Gabe: and yet we are still at a place culturally
Gabe: where a casually tossed off red carpet interview joke
Gabe: about two men having sex becomes big celebrity gossip news
Gabe: but actually, i think if, like, Anne Hathaway said she wanted to have sex with Jennifer Lawrence
Gabe: people would talk about that too
Gabe: if anything, i think it just shows that none of the gay stuff would even be that big of an issue
Gabe: if everyone was just more physically attractive
Kelly: hahah right
Gabe: people like to imagine pretty people having sex with each other

Kelly: Yes. It is I think for sure less of a “heterosexual man says he’d have sex with another man” thing
Kelly: Than it is a “OMG OMG OMG YES DO IT” thing
Gabe: right
Gabe: you know those
Gabe: “oMG OMG OMG YES DO IT” things
Gabe: classic things
Kelly: Yeah
Kelly: Like if Dan Harmon thought about writing a Parks and Recreation episode or if Jack Handey finally got on Twitter
Gabe: hahhahhahahhahhahaahahahah
Gabe: but were also gay
Kelly: right
Kelly: But were also gay and very handsome
Gabe: like, if Jack Handey got on Twitter to craft perfect one-liners about his budding homosexuality
Kelly: NOT THAT THEY AREN’T HANDSOME
Gabe: whoa, good save kelly
Kelly: phew!
Gabe: i will say that i like both channing tatum and george clooney as actors, and i would be totally happy to see them make love, i mean, not see it, but i would support them in their new life together
Gabe: but i cannot stand this huffington post link you sent me
Gabe: who wrote this?
Gabe: “Here’s a sex tape we’d all like to see: Channing Tatum and George Clooney.”
Gabe: all of us? would we all like to see that?
Kelly: Hahahah
Gabe: “Oh, that’ll never happen, right? Not so fast.”
Gabe: well, actually, yes, so fast, that will never happen
Gabe: what is even going on here?
Kelly: NOT SO FAST GABE!
Gabe: is this the first article about anything ever written? so we don’t know how information works?
Kelly: Listen, did or did not Channing Tatum joke that he would have sex with George Clooney?
Kelly: And do or do not sex tapes exist?
Kelly: Case closed
Gabe: Channing Tatum saucily refered to his admiration for fellow actor George Clooney on the red carpet for a movie premiere, how far behind can a SEX TAPE be?!
Gabe: YOU KNOW, THE SEX TAPE WE WOULD ALL LIKE TO SEE?
Kelly: “Think George Clooney and Channing Tatum will never raise a baby together? Not so fast.”
Gabe: hahahahhahah
Gabe: “They have both said in separate interviews that they like babies. You do the math.”
Kelly: haha ahhhhh
Gabe: not so fast
Gabe: hahahahah “not so fast” is very funny
Kelly: You know what happens when you ASSUME.
Gabe: when you assume, you make a sex tape with george clooney

Kelly: “Okay, so: Who’s going to start the opening bid for this sex tape?”
Kelly: Is how the article ends!
Kelly: Did you read that far?
Gabe: yes
Gabe: the thing about articles is that it’s fun to end them with something fun
Gabe: for the readers so we all have fun
Gabe: when i read that i was like haha that’s a good point who is going to start the opening bid at this imaginary auction for this impossible sex tape? this is fun!~
Gabe: i love to read and have fun and i love celebs
Kelly: I love sex tapes
Kelly: The comments from readers are very good.
Kelly: “Just changed my name to…..George Clooney.
Give me a call.”
Kelly: a+++++
Gabe: haha GIVE ME A CALL
Gabe: who? channing tatum?
Gabe: does the person who left that comment
Gabe: think that Channing Tatum WROTE the huffingtonpost article
Gabe: the ellipses is fun, though, adds some real suspense
Gabe: WHAT DID THEY CHANGE THEIR NAME TO?!
Kelly: hahahaha “I hope he says George Clooney I hope he says George—YES!” -Channing Tatum
Kelly: So I guess it’s time to place our bids, then?
Kelly: I bid $69.
Kelly: B-)
Gabe: hahhahahahahahha
Gabe: while your bid was perfect, i am afraid i have outbid you with my bid of $420
Kelly: Oh god damnit!
Kelly: Well, in any case, I can’t wait for the sex tape.
Gabe: none of us can