BAD NEWS: The What Would Ryan Lochte Do? trailer is only available on Entertainment Weekly’s website (I have no idea why we did not get the exclusive trailer scoop, did the What Would Ryan Lochte Do? marketing team even READ ABOUT HOW EXCITED WE WERE?) so you’re going to have to go over there in order to watch it. Wah wah wah. GOOD NEWS: The trailer is absolutely so, so perfect, oh my god, you have no idea. Literally everything you could ever want in the trailer for Ryan Lochte’s new reality show. Please go over and watch it now and come back so we can talk about it. Did you do it? Are you back? YOU NEED TO WATCH IT, DON’T MESS AROUND. Now we can talk about all of our favorite parts, here are mine:

• How he spends 100 minutes teaching us the proper way to say “jeah” and it’s not even about the pronunciation, rather it is about how loudly and quickly you say it. Because it’s boring otherwise!
• Everything he says when he is talking about how he got into fashion and how everybody’s going to be a Ryan Lochte walking around in shoes or whatever.
• The smile after he says “describe player.”
• “YOU WAANA GO OUT TO DINN’R? I’LLL TREAT YOU.”
• “Waaat’re you doing toomorrow night? Yoouu wannagoout to dinnn’r?”
• How whenever he talks about wanting to find a soulmate it sounds like he has memorized the words from an audiotape and has forgotten where the pauses should go.
• When he says “she liked my smile” and then gives a legit perfect smile.

A++++++, cannot wait 2 watch! JEAH!