Nowhere is safe. Everything poses a mortal threat. Flapjacks = Death. Lock your doors. Wear a SARS mask. Eat matzoh. There’s no escape or salvation. We must try and remain calm even when it is impossible. And above all, live your life to the fullest while you still can, just as long as you don’t live your life the way Buzz Bissinger is living his life, because holy moly, yikes yikes yikes, red alert red alert red altert! I cannot even deal with the way you and Buzz Bissinger are living your lives. It’s too much! (Video via WorldsBestEver.)