What is the dumbest thing you’ve ever invested a ton of time in? “MY WIFE!” -Borat, yes, but what else? A few years ago some friends and I, oh boy, I barely even want to say, but we wrote a short retelling of the movie Bottle Rocket as a French New Wave movie — none of us knew French — and then spent so much time filming it, take after take, trying to get our online translated lines perfect, but then never did anything with the footage, THANK GOD. Just a big embarrassing waste of time. That’s barely not worse than the footage of this Oreo Separator Machine. What else? You tell me something now, I’ll wait; I just told you a very stupid thing. Hmm. When I was young a made a very elaborate poster for a Spice Girls concert I was attending because a local radio station was having a poster contest, or whatever, and then they wouldn’t let anyone bring posters into the venue. I, a child, didn’t want to lose mine so I asked if the security guards would watch it and they said yes and I believed them and when I went to retrieve it it was not there. Oof. NOW IT IS YOUR TURN. Before you tell yous, though, let’s take a look at this Oreo Separator Machine (that separates the cream from the oreo cookies?) (as if that’s what ANYONE WANTS?).

“I didn’t get to see my girlfriend or my dog for hours at a time sometimes.” Hahaha. Whoa, buddy. I understand this is all more than a bit tongue-and-cheek, no doy, and the next thing he says is about a sandwich, but also GIRL, GET OUTTA THERE! Another thing about this video that’s strange (other than just the fact that it exists) is that it is made by Oreo and yet seems only to be an advertisement for a different type of cookie? Just buy those plain chocolate cookies from Trader Joes or whatever, buddy! I KNOW YOU DO! So how have you wasted time? Wrote a pretend Goosebumps book when you were very young in a journal only to have your brother steal it and make fun of you? (Via TheFrisky.)