AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Remember that picture of The Rock’s legs?! My god. I think I forgot about it for a little while, but all I can feel right now is the image burning through my brain and it hurts so badly that I can’t really remember a time when the burning was not there. I’ll try to press on with what I originally came here to tell you: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is going to be in a movie based on a picture of a teddy bear. From The Hollywood Reporter:

Movie ideas and projects come in many forms. A script, a life story, a sentence on a napkin.

Now New Line has bought one based on an illustration, and it comes with Dwayne Johnson attached to produce and potentially star and Beau Flynn on board to produce.

The picture in question was drawn by Alex Panagopoulos, a Greek software engineer turned fantasy artist. It features a little girl asleep in bed while a small brown teddy bear — brandishing a laughably small wooden sword and shield — holds an enormous, fanged monster at bay. And in the fashion of a motivational poster, a caption reads “Teddy Bears: Protecting innocent children from monsters under the bed since 1902.”

Obviously we could all make fun of the idea that, first of all, this movie is only based on an image which is perhaps even more ridiculous than basing a movie on something like a piece of plastic on which you fake-talk to ghosts, and second of all that The Rock is the one who is bringing it to the public, but I think we are smart enough to realize that each of these things basically makes sense. The image is more than enough to float an entire movie, and The Rock has I believe already made multiple children’s movies, though I am not going to look into it, so. A cute teddy bear who saves its child owner from terrifying CG monsters, and The Rock is either the dad or the voice of the Teddy Bear? WHATEVER, PRINT, GREEN LIGHT. The only question is: What are the details of the plot going to be?

• A child’s dad (The Rock) died somehow, probably at war. In order to cope, she has a tough-talking imaginary Teddy Bear friend who protects her. In the end it is revealed that the voice of the Teddy Bear is her dad’s (The Rock’s) voice. Like Drop Dead Fred meeds Ted.
• That last one was a legitimately fine idea and I don’t feel like I really have to think of any more, but let’s try anyway.
• It’s mostly filmed like a fantasy movie, but it’s all in the daughter’s imagination. She and the Teddy Bear fighting monsters together. The final monster they have to fight is her fear of going at it alone. She doesn’t think she can do it and moreover she doesn’t want to, but Teddy Bear tells her she has to — he can’t be there to protect her forever. She does and realizes she has the strength within herself to stand up to all of life’s monsters, but she never hears Teddy Bear’s voice again. It’s a bittersweet ending. Also similar to Drop Dead Fred. In this one The Rock is maybe just her alive dad and not the voice of the Teddy Bear.
• I guess actually the best thing would be to put the first one and that one together. Follow Drop Dead Fred almost exactly, except make it a children’s movie about a child and real monsters (but note that the real monsters are representative of the “monsters” the girl has to overcome in life) and the leave out all the raunchy parts and commentary on mental illness.

NOW YOU!