You go outside, grab a bunch of dirt, and put it on a plate inside. Then you dip your votive candle in wax and roll it around in the dir– What? Oh, please. You’ve never had a situation that called for a grubby, dirty-looking (and dirty- actually being, if we’re being honest with ourselves) (literally it is covered in dirt) candle? Well, this isn’t part of my job, my job is just to tell you how to make the damn thing, but for the sake of argument:

• HALLOWEEN? Jesus christ.
• Last minute secret santa gift for someone you think is a garbage person.
• If you bought a bed and breakfast and don’t have time to fix up one of the rooms so you’ve decided to make it the “dirty room.”
• If someone is on the lam and hiding as dirt in a dirt pile but they haven’t lost all of their self respect.
• If you are begrudgingly in charge of props at your son or daughter’s school production of Les Miserable.
• If you want to prove a point to your roommate about how you should both have to at least agree that the decorations each one brings to the apartment are “fine.”
• I don’t know, if you just fucking like the look of it?
• I’m sorry, please excuse that last bullet. It’s been a long day.
• Anthropologie photo shoot? I don’t know. Whatever.

(Via Interweber.)