One thing I’d like to admit right off the bat is that, although I recapped the first two seasons of Downton Abbey here, I have not been watching the new season, which premiered on American televisions two weeks ago. I just don’t want to, so why don’t you go ahead and sue me about it? I’ll sue you right back, a countersue for being a jerk and not knowing how to MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS ABOUT WHAT I FEEL LIKE WATCHING ON TELEVISION! In any case, though, the fact that I haven’t seen any of the new season probably accounts for how I feel like I’m a little behind on what Stuart Varney talked about on Fox & Friends this morning. I do have a few questions about it — Has Daisy aged at all yet? Has Thomas calmed down and found any peace with himself? What’s up with Bates? Have you figured out yet that the show poses a threat to the left because it depicts wealthy people being nice, and once people start getting the idea that wealthy people can be nice, something something, liberals will finally be defeated? Ahhh, I’ve missed so much!

Legit props to Gretchen Carlson for pointing out that maybe people just like a show, and also for pretending like she thought it was “pronounced” Downtown Abbey for the sake of whatshisname, and then for “seeing” that it was “actually spelled” Downton. Well played, Gretch, you old pro. For the rest of us: NOOOOOO! OUR LIBERAL WEALTH-HATING IDEALS ARE NOT SAFE! ABORT! ABORT! ABORT! (Via Mediaite.)