Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! Spring break! One of my favorite things in the Spring Breakers trailer is how they say spring break a lot so that you know it’s going to be about spring break. Seriously, that movie looks great. These other movies also look fine, I don’t know, what do you think? Let’s take a look:

Red 2

I never saw Red 1, but based on this trailer I think I can pretty much piece the franchise together. Let me guess: Austin Powers + The Expendables – the silly accents (divided by Helen Mirren) x Ocean’s 12 = Red. SHOW YOUR WORK!

The Brass Teapot

“If I had a million dollars, I would stay in bed with you all day. But at the end of the day, I would get out of bed. I’m not CRAZY.” Hey, here’s a fun question: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MOVIE?! Oh my goodness! It’s like Donnie Darko Productions Presents: The Box but with jokes and a weird “fairy tale but for adults as if that’s a thing” tone and also hassidic Jews as villainous comedic foils? Or were there hassidic Jews as villainous comedic foils in The Box? I can’t remember. The guy in the hat? Was that Horatio Sanz?

Mud

This looks really good. The end. Next trailer, please.

S-VHS

A found footage horror movie already turns me off (sexually) and one that involves WATCHING VHS TAPES IN THE YEAR 2013 is even worse, but I do love that they then went ahead and named the movie after an even more obscure video formatting system from the 1990s. Who doesn’t love S-VHS references?! The best reference.

The End of Love

This movie looks nice. I kind of wish it wasn’t about him being an actor. It just seems like that’s a big decision to make just to have an Amanda Seyfried cameo, when there are more relatable things to have someone be. But also it still looks good, I hope it’s good. Hi, Michael Cera.

Upstream Color

This is the second trailer for Upstream Color, and surprise surprise, I still would like to see it!

The Call

Oh boy. First of all, between what this movie is about and also what this movie is called, it clearly came out of a meeting in Hollywood where someone said “you know that part in scary stories when they say the call is coming from inside the house? What if the whole house was made out of the black box.” Also, though, is this everyone’s first day at the 9-11 call center? They all seem very high strung as if their entire job was not receiving panicky calls from people in trouble? Is it because when they tore down the realistic 9-11 call center and built this state of the art CTU 9-11 center they fired all the old screeners and hired brand new ones? That’s gotta be it. OK. I understand.

The Power of Few

This is not a movie. I’m not sure what this is, but I can tell that it is not a movie. Might be a cell phone advertisement made to look kind of like a movie but not quite? My bet is on T-Mobile or maybe Progressive Auto Insurance.