They’ll Never Doubt You Again, Water Guy!
“You’ll never amount to anything,” they said. “You don’t have any obvious skills. You’re mediocre at sports and I don’t even think you like them very much anyway,” they said. “It’s hard to say whether or not you’d be good in school if you would just try for two seconds — take advantage of your teachers’ willingness to stay after class to help you, or, for goodness sake, just do the homework they assign and pay attention to the lesson they’re already teaching you in class — because as far as we can tell you have never tried for two seconds,” they said. “All you do is goof around with your friends. Everyone wants the best for you. You know, it’s like Tyra Banks said on that episode of America’s Next Top Model — we wouldn’t be yelling at you if we didn’t love you, and we wouldn’t be telling you you’ll never amount to anything if we didn’t think that it is only because of your own inaction. What are you doing with your life? Do you have a plan? Are you even paying attention to what I’m saying now?” they said.
BUT THEY DON’T HAVE MUCH TO SAY NOW, DO THEY? (Via BlameItOn.)