Ryan Gosling attended the premiere of his new film Gangster Squad last night with his mother as his date. His mother, when asked about what she was wearing, responded, “I’m wearing Eva Mendes.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Is that why Ryan and Eva didn’t spend New Year’s together?! Is that why Eva wasn’t his date to the premiere? Did Ryan Gosling’s mom murder Eva Mendes in order to wear her beautiful body to the premiere of Gangster Squad?! NO! YOU WEIRDO! She just meant that all of the clothing she was wearing belonged to Eva Mendes, and she was borrowing it. Man, you are so gross. (But also, what? All of these clothes belong to Eva Mendes?) (Huh?) (She does look beautiful.) (And tasteful.) Anyway, while the sweet, beautiful Ryan Gosling stopped to sign autographs at the movie premiere to which he sweetly and beautifully brought his mom, a fan presented him with a sweet, beautiful painting of his big face staring straight back at him, blankly. What every man wants! She did the work creating this wonderful piece of art, and now you have to do the work creating a CAPTION FOR IT! That’s how art works! Ask a museum! Get to work!

Winner will receive special placement in this week’s Monsters’ Ball and a painting of their own big, expressionless face.* (Thanks for the tip, Antonia!)

*Lie.