Tipster Sally points us to the website HollywoodIsCalling, and our minds are immediately shattered. First of all, the mission statement:
Hollywood Is Calling was created to make it possible for people all across the globe to be inspired and entertained by live phone calls from actual celebrities. As most modern day celebrities are unique in their ability to affect and enhance the lives of others we thought this service would be an extraordinary opportunity to make that possible on a global scale.
In addition to being tremendously accomplished the one thing all the celebrities we choose for this service have in common is [ed. note: access to a phone?] an unprecedented appreciation for their growing legion of fans.
Hollywood Is Calling is dedicated to enhancing the lives of people everywhere with the kind of magic, motivation and fun that can be created when a
real celebrity calls you.To Bookmark This Website Hit Ctrl+D
Someone set up a service where you can buy phone calls from celebrities? Oh gosh. This can't end well.
For one thing, why does the site look like this:
The web designer for Jukt Micronics saw this website and was like "ew."
But, so, OK, let's get INSPIRED! Who are some of the exciting celebrities on offer?
- Lou Ferrigno from The Incredible Hulk
- Larry Holmes from Boxing (20th Century)
- Alex Michael from The Bachelor
- Joseph Gannascoli from playing Vito Spatafore on The Sopranos
- Jon Provost from Lassie and The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes
- Someone named Tommy Habeeb
It's like they always say, shoot for the stars and you might just land on someone named Tommy Habeeb.
Look, I know that everyone just needs to put food on their families, but this is some dismal shit.
Of course, these days, the only way for a business to survive is to evolve. Why limit yourself to phonecalls from celebrities when you can literally make your own camera out of a Walkman and some paraffin and have them tape INSPRIATIONAL videos in their rape basement? THE FUTURE IS NOW:
The video cuts out at the end because that's when we all killed ourselves.
