Every New Moon Poster Is Like Sunday

New Moon, the sequel to Twilight, has its first poster, you guys. Does it just give you shivers? Well you are 12 and you should put on a sweatshirt. Admittedly, I haven't actually seen Twilight. Because I am an ADULT. Is watching Twilight going to file for an extension on my tax return? Is watching Twilight going to install a safety handle in my shower? Is watching Twilight going to fill all of the butterscotch bowls in the house with delicious, stuck together butterscotches? The point is that I don't even know what happens in the first Twilight--it's about a guy who likes to climb trees and hates minivans--so I have no idea what's going on here. But it looks exciting! It's like someone used their sophomore year diary as inspiration for the cover of a young adult erotic novel. It's like someone got a job to shoot a catalog for JC Penny's Fall 2007 line, but decided to "get creative" with the project. The CEO of JC Penny was like "I don't know if we really want to imply that our teenage customers are having secret competitive woods sex," and the photographer was like "Well the good news is, we came in way under budget. This thing cost basically nothing."

After the jump, a look at the garbage New Moon shooting script for the scene depicted in the new poster.

EXT. WOODS - SPOOKYTIME

Bella chews on the strings of her JC PENNY hoodie. The new guy who may or may not be a vampire, it's hard to tell from the poster, stands in front of her with his fists clenched.

Edward enters the woods walking backwards. He stops a few paces from Bella and the New Guy.

Bella puts her hand on his arm.

CUT TO:

INT. COSI SANDWICHES - NIGHT

Edward walks up to the cashier.

Edward pays with vampire change.

And scene. Isn't it crazy how even without having seen the first Twilight movie or read any of the Twilight books, I still got this scene 100 percent right? Spookytime.