gabe: what kind of cake should we buy woody allen for his retirement?
lindsay: hahaha
lindsay: One of those boobie cakes.
gabe: what?
gabe: THIS IS A HERO'S FAREWELL
gabe: this is not your sister-in-law's bridal shower
gabe: SHOW SOME RESPECT
gabe: you know what a booby cake says?
gabe: A booby cake says "I keep my work shoes in the bottom drawer of my desk, and i am thinking about getting another cat so Pumpkers isn't lonely"
gabe: also your cat is named Pumpkers
lindsay: I'm pretty sure Woody Allen likes boobies.
gabe: lindsay, everyone likes boobies
lindsay: But maybe mosquito bites would be better.
lindsay: GET IT
gabe: but only terrible people like booby cakes
lindsay: because he's attracted to girls who aren't developed yet!
lindsay: I didn't say I want a booby cake!
gabe: yes you did
gabe: you said "i want to get woody allen the type of cake i would like to receive"
gabe: "which is a booby cake"
gabe: "my favorite kind of cake"
lindsay: obviously, the cake should be black
lindsay: with white text
lindsay: obviously
gabe: ?
lindsay: because that's how all of his movies start?
lindsay: with the names listed in the same font
lindsay: do you know who woody allen is?
gabe: he would throw that cake in your face
gabe: and he would be right to do so
gabe: he has downplayed the opening credits in his films
gabe: in order to keep the focus on the films themselves
gabe: and you're going to put it on a cake?
gabe: WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?
gabe: we need a serious cake,
gabe: like an ice cream cake
gabe: something that says "you did it"
gabe: "but now goodbye"
gabe: eat this quick, before it melts!
gabe: no time to lose!
gabe: eat this cake!
lindsay: hahaha
lindsay: poor woody allen
lindsay: he's the only person who thinks 20 year old girls are interesting, except themselves.
gabe: haha
lindsay: I remember watching his movies then and thinking "wow, he really sees me!"
gabe: well, to be fair
gabe: 20 year old girls are perfect foils for narcissists
gabe: it's like dating a heated mirror
gabe: (what?)
lindsay: haha, it makes sense if you think about it
gabe: obviously, his cake will be white
gabe: very very white
gabe: and KOSHER
gabe: ugh
gabe: the only person who writes hackier jokes about woody allen
gabe: IS WOODY ALLEN
lindsay: we have to have a joke about masturbation being "Sex with someone you love" because Woody Allen accidentally puts that joke in all his movies.
lindsay: And nobody says anything.
lindsay: "Just say the line. Just say it. It's Woody Allen. Say the line."
lindsay: the cake should have a picture of Kenneth Branagh as Woody from Celebrity
gabe: the cake should be covered in flop sweat
gabe: the cake should have a picture of itself on it
gabe: the cake should be served on A PSYCHIATRIST'S COUCH
gabe: jesus christ
gabe: YOU HAVE BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELF, MR. ALLEN
lindsay: he's that guy who stays at the party too long
gabe: right
gabe: just chatting up his step daughter
lindsay: even those of us who used to worship him are loudly washing dishes in our pajamas.
lindsay: turning on the vacuum in the middle of his sentence
gabe: you guys don't have to go to your wife's childhood home, but you can't stay here
lindsay: HAHAHAHAHA
lindsay: aren't the kids who got taken away because he put his fingers in their mouths or whatever like totally grown up now?
lindsay: Can't they speak?
gabe: WE'RE GONNA NEED A DARKER CAKE!
