lindsay: Who do you think actually has a bigger penis, McG or Michael Bay?
gabe: hmmm
gabe: who do I barf has a bigger barf, barf or barf?
gabe: is that your question?
lindsay: Someone needs to start this national conversation.
gabe: i think someone did
gabe: his name is McG and he is a clown
lindsay: Other than McG
gabe: i like that you are taking up the torch for him
gabe: the long, thin torch
gabe: the hot, hard torch
lindsay: A clown with insider information about Michael Bay's penis size!
lindsay: I say McG
gabe: you would say McG
gabe: just because you think about McG's penis all the time doesn't make it the biggest, Lindsay
lindsay: I liked the Charlie's Angels movies, and it must take confidence to work with such strong females as Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu.
lindsay: jk, that's my whole entire argument
lindsay: whoops
lindsay: that's my argument
gabe: what?
gabe: you want to talk confidence?
lindsay: it's so dumb
gabe: michael bay went to wesleyan
gabe: that is confidence
lindsay: Did you ever think that reading Michael Bay's IMDB page for clues to his penis size would be part of your JOB?
gabe: yes
gabe: 10 years ago
gabe: i wrote myself a check
gabe: for reading michael bay's IMDB page for clues to his penis size
gabe: and today i can cash that check
lindsay: hahahahaha
lindsay: McG has a BA in psychology
gabe: seriously, though, McG just pulled the classic grift
lindsay: so I can clearly not choose the penis in front of Michael Bay (what?)
gabe: Michael Bay is never going to respond to this
gabe: because MICHAEL BAY DON'T PLAY NO GAMES
gabe: (with McG's penis)
lindsay: True
gabe: and so McG can claim that he's scared
gabe: but he is not scared
gabe: he is busy taking champagne jacuzzis
lindsay: By remaining silent, Michael Bay has shown himself to have the larger penis
gabe: but McG will pretend that his silence is concession
gabe: the gambit of the small-penised man
lindsay: Do you know what McG stands for? "McGinty." A total small-penis name if I've ever heard one.
lindsay: It actually means "Son Of Small Penis Guy" in Gaelic.
gabe: racist
gabe: you're racist against people with Irish backgrounds
gabe: it makes me sick
gabe: you're racist against part-Irish penises
lindsay: McG is 41.
lindsay: He's a 41 year old man.
gabe: yes
lindsay: I'm not sure what age the cutoff is for publicly challenging a colleague to a genital measuring contest, but it's pre-41.
lindsay: or post-85
gabe: haha
gabe: i think the cut off is zero years old
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lindsay: anyway, back to their penises
lindsay: which we're both thinking about
lindsay: not abstractly
gabe: why doesn't McG just make a movie about his penis?
lindsay: Every movie he makes is about his penis.
gabe: a docudrama
lindsay: Trade Mark: Fast cars.
gabe: wow
gabe: now you're just cutting and pasting IMDB
lindsay: but it's a total cliche!
gabe: well that argument extends to Michael Bay as well
gabe: by that argument, McG is actually the more honest person
lindsay: maybe "the untitled mcg spy project" is a docudrama about his penis
gabe: he should make a movie about his penis
gabe: to take away his opponent's weapons
gabe: Eminem style
lindsay: Whoever's movie makes less money has to officially name their penis after the other.
lindsay: Though I'm sure McG's already has a name
lindsay: a legal name
lindsay: The Annihilator
gabe: McP
gabe: SORRY
lindsay: Hhahahaha
gabe: i am sorry
gabe: i am looking in the mirror
gabe: and i am apologizing to myself
gabe: and now i am forgiving myself
gabe: that's how this begins
lindsay: it's not your fault, it's not your fault
lindsay: Michael Bay should issue a press release saying that he survived penis cancer a few years ago but sadly lost his penis and McG is being super mean, and then everyone will see his movie instead.
gabe: oh god, what?
gabe: that is what your brain does
gabe: that is your brain in action
gabe: your brain made that
gabe: Horrible Nightmare Movie Marketing 101, with Professor Robertson
lindsay: 102
lindsay: the first rule of movie marketing is that the phrase "penis cancer" should always be used. That's why Toy Story did so well.
lindsay: You're not really standing up for Michael Bay's penis here.
lindsay: You're doing your client a disservice.
gabe: um, i crushed you hours ago
gabe: at the first sign of resistence
gabe: you dropped McG's penis
gabe: like it was diseased
lindsay: it's true, I did bring up McGinty.
lindsay: I think that's it's name actually
lindsay: McGinty
lindsay: Ole McGinty
lindsay: The Annihilator
gabe: Michael Bay's penis needs very little defense
gabe: it is its own champion
lindsay: Ah, I see your strategy
lindsay: By passionately defending McG's penis, I have protested too much
lindsay: and you and Michael Bay's penis win the art of war game
gabe: 48 Laws of Power, Chapter 14
gabe: Ignore Your Opponent's Penis
lindsay: I hope McG googles himself all the time and sends me a gift basket from his penis.
gabe: you want a basket of McG's semen
gabe: is what you just said
gabe: that is what you said, that you hoped for that
lindsay: I would regift it
lindsay: to you on your birthday
lindsay: hmm
lindsay: anything more to say in defense of your chosen penis, that of Mr. Michael Bay?
gabe: Michael Bay's penis is bigger than McG's penis
lindsay: No, it's not.
gabe: Yes, it is.
lindsay: No, it's not.
gabe: Yes, it is.
lindsay: No, it's not.
gabe: Yes, it is.
lindsay: No, it's not.
gabe: Yes, it is.
gabe: You dick.
