Gatorade was invented back in 1965, when I was just 47 years old. Since then it has maintained a consistent and memorable marketing message: that this drink is for high-performance athletes in need of exceptional rehydration. We learn from a very young age that Gatorade has the electrolytes that our bodies need in order to WIN. No one really talks about the fact that mostly Gatorade is just sugar, and that for every top athlete that drinks it there is some fat kid on the couch pushing his X-Box Live headset out of the way to get to that sweet sweet fuel. But the point is: when I think Gatorade, I think neon sweat pouring out of some sprinter's face as he strains to reach the finish line. What I do not think of is some third-rate Monty Python spoof featuring Kevin Garnett in a suit of armor trying to pass a bridge guarded by the Jabawockeez with his retinue of sportsmares.
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Have it your way, Gatorade. You will now be my drink of choice when I'm heading to the Renaissance Festival Parody Festival. But when it comes to my preparation for the Olympics, which is real, and which is INTENSE, I will choose a sports drink that treats itself with respect.
