Madonna’s “Bitch, I’m Madonna” is a bad video. It might be a good video if Madonna wasn’t out here trying to compete with Taylor Swift’s “Badd Blood” in the guest-star department and failing hilariously. Swift got her guest stars to throw knives and kung fu fight. Madonna has higher-wattage celebrities, but she can’t get them to show up to the set, so we just get them mouthing the song’s title against black backgrounds, awkwardly thrown into what might be a pretty fun video otherwise. If this video was just Chris Rock and sock puppets and Madonna’s kids dancing, then yeah, maybe it would be a good video. But when we get a whole bunch of dancers waving around a flatscreen with Nicki Minaj’s face on it, the whole thing just seems ferociously limp. So I picked five other videos instead, and they’re below.

5. Jessy Lanza – “You Never Show Your Love” (Feat. DJ Spinn & Taso) (Dir. John Smith)

Between this and Les Sins’ “Bother,” inflatable wavy-arms car-dealership guys are experiencing a real music-video renaissance.

4. Mates Of State – “Staring Contest” (Dir. Will Kindrick)

Putting your kids in your music video is a boss parental move. When your kids are capable of being entertaining, that’s a bonus. Matt & Kim, look upon this and behold your future.

3. Dr. Yen Lo – “Day 81″ (Feat. Roc Marciano) (Dir. Ka)

In a slow week, this list will always have room for murky, atmospheric film-noir rap videos.

2. Father John Misty – “I Love You, Honeybear” (Dir. Josh Tillman & Grant James)

It’s the rare artist who will make his own story of personal tragedy the backdrop for a goofy thing about two partied-out emergency medical technicians.

1. GENER8TION – “The New International Sound (Pt. II)” (Feat. M.I.A.) (Dir. Inigo Westmeier)

Right now, I’m feeling unreasonably annoyed that my parents did not send me to this school.