“Anyway, we’re really sorry to everyone we’ve offended, and we’ve picked a new name that will hopefully be less offensive and racially charged. Moving forward, we’re going to be called Khmer Rouge.”

Thanks for noticing. But no, I ain’t done.

Up next – “The Ballad of Fuck These Disgustingly Worthless Pants That Don’t Fit Anymore Because I’m Becoming A Fat Old Man” and “My Waitress Is A Depraved Whore For Forgetting To Give Me A Straw With This Fucking Contemptible Lemonade”

The Night Josh Tillman Joined Our Squad

Probably just as well Joy Division weren’t around these days huh

3 premature evaluations in one day! the gum is like a horny teenage boy right now and i love it!

wait…

6 fingers / 2 hands = 3. This is the third Dead Weather record.
6 fingers on right hand + 5 fingers on left hand = 11.

#311TRUTHNOW

Am I doing this right?

okay this is really fucking funny

‘I feel like I cant take anyone seriously if they’re tweeting their point of view’

He’s just as bad as them bloody whites he is #twitteraccountsmatter

But seriously, racism is really really naughty. And bad.

Before you criticize an album, maybe get a critical review of your essay that at least nabs all the typos.

Sorry to be an asshole! But they’re distracting. And you didn’t even mention Music To Watch Boys To, which is her best song to date.

FUCKING FINALLY. i’m gonna throw a party. good job, maybe now i’ll listen to yr music.

I got that on lock.

Ahhhhh yes. The noted political savvy of the artist. Reminds me of how much I’ve enjoyed the musings of politicians about the works of Hunter S Thompson and street graffiti legend Banksy. George Bush Sr, in particular, did an amazing summary of “Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas”

Gripping stuff.

I met Lana Del Rey in 2011 as well.

My roommates and I at the time were really into Magic: The Gathering. We’d play everyday between classes on our dining room table, alternating our background music between Drake’s Take Care and LDR’s Born To Die. Just 5 dudes who were trying to get through senior year, dropping mad mana, and acting as vehement LRD apologists. So anyway, she announced she was going to do an in-store at the Queen Anne Easy Street Records (R.I.P.) in Seattle. We knew we had to go.

The performance was pretty good, stripped down to piano, and the place was packed. Afterward she did a signing for anyone who bought the record. I had bigger plans though — I was going to have her signed my trademark Magic card: a Sparkcaster. It’s not like a particularly rare or special card, but it was useful and the basis of my red/green deck. We waited in line for over an hour and finally it was my turn. Walking up to her, I doubted if this was really worth it. I was probably going to make an ass out of my self, but I stuck with it. She stood behind the counter in a green jumpsuit, waiting patiently and looking about as dazed as we’ve come to expect from her. We were told to be quick and that there wouldn’t be time for photos. I shook her hand and told her I loved her music, etc. before making my pitch.

“So, uh, this is kinda a weird. But I was wondering if you’d sign this Magic card,” I said nervously.

I handed it to her. She briefly examined it and slowly looked up.

“You’re so fucking cool right now,” she slurred. Instant relief. Then she spoke up again.

“You see this tattoo?” she said, pointing to an ‘M’ on her hand. “It stands for magic.”

Holy shit. I couldn’t believe it. Then she clarified “It’s also the first letter of my mother’s name, but it’s also for magic.”

I’ll never know if she was just playing along or trying to make me feel better, she played it off so effortlessly. She asked for my name, signed the card, and I went on my way. We never crossed paths again. I added the card to my deck (we even made a house rule that gave it an ability called “Blue Jean Walk”). I don’t play much anymore, but I’ve kept the card. It epitomizes that last phase of life in school before “real-adulthood” kicked in.

I like to think some times on tour, Lana looks down at her tattoo and thinks about that moment. Lana Del Rey, you’re so fucking cool right now.