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I don’t know what’s stranger: that you say a week with a new Jay-Z album is a down week, or that you’re entirely right…

I forget who, but someone said a while ago how great it feel to get shit done, just chores, around the house when you’ve got kids and a house and shit. And today, I cut a stake and put in my mailbox, put in 4 door stops, and cleaned out our gutters, all while listening to Algiers and Vince Staples and drinking some sour beer. Boy did it feel good.

I’m not gonna lie, “redirect to how much we hate Iggy Azalea” is a good play when you’re floundering on a tough question. That said, she can put whoever she wants on her album, I don’t care because I’m never going to hear it.

I’m not saying Miss Swift knows anything about basketball, she clearly does not, but I don’t really feel like she’s pretending to. Maybe she just figured she’d congratulate a guy who has been complimentary to her in the past. It’s kinda like greeting cards. They’re terrible, but when someone gives you one you’re grateful they thought of you. Especially when you consider how expensive they are (like seriously, $6.95 cents for some shitty poetry with a stock photo of flowers – the fuck outta here). But worse than these incredibly overvalued traditions we feel the need to go to CVS for, are the kind that cost even more ($8.95) artisan bullshit that say shit like “You’re a fucking magical unicorn!” I know I’m a fucking magical unicorn, Julie. I also know you could give a shit about my birthday, and when time comes you no longer believe I’ll regale our mutual friends with stories of your hella cool birthday cards, you’ll most certainly send the more prosaic “It’s your birthday. Make it a great one!” And while we’re on the subject, last year’s Christmas card of everyone dressed as Christmas “Wrappers” (with attention paid to dress each individual as a member of the Wu-Tang Clan) was a bridge too far in the try department. All I’m saying is Taylor Swift is mad corny, but I feel like she’s always been pretty upfront about it. And if we have entered a post-nicety culture, could we please dispense with any and all taxation from the chains of greeting card related slavery? At least let us start with thank you cards. The fact that we’re still talking about that goat you gifted an African family in my name as a substitute for an actual wedding gift we could have used (namely a toaster, the lack thereof having greatly contributed to the dissolution of the union it, maybe, could’ve brick and mortar supported through lean times) is maddening; a true Sisyphusian tradition if there ever was one. The Goat is dead. It was slaughtered, providing the briefest respite from a life of want. In this way, it was a metaphor for the union it so desperately tried to raise above laughable sameness, Julie. The Goat is Dead. Love is dead. Congratulations, Russell Westbrook.

I quit my job today. Feels so good. I’m just gonna drive around and blast Vince Staples all night.

“What team is he on?”
“Oklahoma City Thunder”
“Got it. Heartland. Minimal make up. Curly mussed hair. Simple sweater. Foliage backdrop. I got this. Start the camera you worthless piece of shit”

Bad news: I got turned down for “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” I probably don’t have an interesting enough story.
Good news: After years of trying, I got invited to a “Jeopardy” audition. THIS IS MY TIME.

Halsey, you should have just owned up to it and said “Actually Peter, Quavo is really popular right now, and thus his hitmaking capacity outweighs the potential flack I will get for excusing his homophobic remark. Let’s instead deflect this question to an artist who has completely lost her mainstream clout, and thus I stand little to lose and a lot to gain commercially by calling out her racism in this setting. Being seen as credible with regards to social justice by young liberals is an important part of how I market myself, but at the same time, I don’t want to alienate those same fans by dissing and/or not featuring their favorite rap tastemaker of the moment.”

?? Bless

Hey y’all! Glad you like the curls but I can’t take all the credit for them…send your gratitude to the humid, Rhode Island sea air, lol!
(To be clear, it was my decision to go to Rhode Island and allow the air to strategically curl my locks, so legally, TS, Inc. is entitled to most of, if not all of the credit.)

I know the author of this article is just trolling me (maybe he thinks I’ll write a diss track about him lol) so I’m not going to engage him or recognize his hurtful rhetoric as anything but jealous haterism. I love hoops and hoops players and was happy to be able to make this video. I was just having fun, making jokes like normal people do. I’m even wearing an Old Navy t-shirt for cripes sake! I’m sure my *real* fans get it, because deep down we’re all the same (of course, anyone claiming to be “the same” as me is encroaching on air tight copyright language and should cease and desist immediately or be subject to fines and/or possible jail time)

Anyway, keep being good to each other and don’t forget to wear sunscreen this summer!

XOXO

Getting quite a few down-votes regarding a generally factual post, so maybe I shouldn’t have said “ghostwrote”, but it honestly sounds to me like he was much more than a passive, hired hand. We know he literally did everything on the album except vocals – and though we don’t really know how much compositional or lyrical input he had, the music sounds nearly identical to Tame Impala (especially when compared with “Lonerism”). Never said it was bad, just making an observation that largely went ignored when the album was originally released and praised. I really love her first album and it was one of my favorites that year. I hope she makes a speedy recovery.

Damn. So, the aneurysm *was* the accident or a still unknown accident *caused* the aneurysm? Nobody’s business, but guessing car accident?

Maybe it’s already well-worn common knowledge, but Melody Prochet dated Kevin Parker (aka Tame Impala) for a time, and he produced, recorded, mixed, and played all the instruments on her excellent self titled debut album from 2012.

At the time I regarded that album as an unofficial companion album to Tame ImpaIa’s “Lonerism” from the same year. Parker’s hand in the project is unmistakable, and no disrespect to Melody, but it sounds like he ghostwrote all of it.

Not many people know you are a living and punning homage to the patron Saint of humor. Saint Ariel Pun

Amazing but true: People who feel strongly enough to be mad about this are worse than any Jenner-Kardashian-Odom-West

Conversation about music on a music website is irrelevant? Ok, bud. Gotcha. Like I said, no disrespect intended (I enjoyed her first album quite a lot), but let’s be honest – she’s not going to read your, or anybody else’s, well-wishes on Stereogum, so we might as well talk about her music and share some insight. Why take my neutral discussion about somebody’s music, somebody we’ve never met and never will meet, so personally?

*light the TAYLOR ALISON signal*