Nothing in this world makes my brain feel as smooth and empty as watching an episode of Vanderpump Rules. Hollywood’s hottest waitstaff struggle to balance shifts at SUR (Sexy Unique Restaurant, yes, it is actually called that) with their tumultuous friendships and cheating scandals and failed music careers and I am eating takeout. But my mind reached a new level of mush over the weekend witnessing the public feud between 50 Cent, Vanderpump Rules star Lala Kent, and her Hollywood producer fiancé Randall Emmett. The beef unfolded on Instagram, almost like a gift, for my viewing pleasure.

It all started because Emmett owed 50 Cent a million dollars, which he’d given him as a loan. Emmett was a co-producer on 50 Cent’s crime drama Power. It is worth pointing out that Emmett also produced Gotti, the John Gotti biopic starring John Travolta. The film, which took four directors, 44 producers, and eight years to make, holds a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes and has been called “the worst mob movie of all-time.” But back to the beef. 50 told Emmett he had until Monday, April 29 (that’s today!) to pay him back in full.

50 threw the first shot on Friday when he posted a clip from the current season of Vanderpump Rules. In the video, Lala is getting her hair done and talking about how she and Randall got together. Apparently, Emmett saw Lala out and asked her to audition for The Row, an egregiously bad sorority horror flick that I have definitely hate-watched. “I let him hit it the first time and we were inseparable,” Lala says in the clip. “He would just send me, like, really expensive gifts. The first night we banged, I got a car the next day. He was like, ‘Do you want a Range Rover?’”

 

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50 accompanied the clip with the caption, “10 seconds left in the 4 quarter hoe’s are Winning. Do you want A range rover, yes, bitch yassss. Then just run out and suck a dick. LOL smh.” Lala commented on the post, “She swears she’s a thug from south side Jamaica queens & she’s up in here watching Bravo. Someone has forgotten where they come from. Coming for me on the gram!? I smell fish coming from fifty’s direction.”

50 Cent proceeded to post screenshots of texts from Emmett, who was begging him to stop the feud and repeatedly calling him “fofty.” The texts are very funny and a little sad. “She is my fiancé and I asked you to be in My wedding last week,” he writes in one text. “I’m sorry.” 50 texted back, “Fuck that. I told you I wasn’t fucking with you. What the fuck would you want me in your wedding for. Like I ain’t got shit else to do. Get the fuck out of here.”

It is Monday and Emmett has paid 50 Cent, who deleted all of the previous Instagram posts and shared one final text screenshot. “Have an idea can u call me ?” Emmett texted. “Fif I agree to all the terms can u please Stop posting. Money will be there in the am.”

“You made this fucking mess, when the money hits the accounts everything comes down,” 50 responded. “Ok I just got the wire asshole, Back to my regular scheduled program.”

The season finale of Vanderpump Rules airs tonight on Bravo, but I think I’m set for now!

I got my money, so I have no problem with Randall Emmett, in fact I’m wishing him and his family a very blessed day. 😏positive vibes now guys. LOL #lecheminduroi #bransoncognac #bellator pic.twitter.com/ieFjoLrVUc

— 50cent (@50cent) April 29, 2019

“I’m sorry fofty” will send me to my grave. I’m dying. The reddit memes are so good. This is the best news story of the century pic.twitter.com/8dSKHZeqoK

— Katie Notopoulos 🎈 (@katienotopoulos) April 28, 2019

I never ever want 50 cent to be mad at me

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 28, 2019