Finally someone who loves America.

EDMB.

Honestly, Jack comes off alright here

I guess they told him 2Pac up his shit and get the fuck out.

Thanks – this helped me understand who exactly is better than Ezra.

“If you ain’t got no giddy up then giddy out my way” is the lyric of the year.

Playing ‘Old Town Road’ on repeat until August. Not taking any chances.

Can someone gives Trump a hug and end this? We get it, you’re mad at life.

Ew

Embarrassed for the band having to endure a Croaking Colbert. Reminded me of a super wealthy birthday gig for a spoiled, drunk wizard of finance.

I know that a lot of people want to catch em’ all, but my job is a much bigger challenge. It is my goal to masturbate to all 807 Pokemon, plain and simple. I usually try to do it twice a day, regardless of the difficulties. At the end, I always win. I go on places like Deviantart, rule 34 and, occasionally e621 in order to achieve this massive goal, and when I finally do, I will become a Pokemon Master. Sometimes, it is easy. I can come in five minutes looking at Gardevoir or Lopunny pornos. Sometimes I come across major challenges that I have to overcome, in the case of Garbodor and Magikarp especially. I have to imagine the wet, sloppy fish mouth sucking on my cock without thinking about the actual fish itself. It is very hard, but the satisfaction you get when you achieve victory is immense. Not only do you get the generally pleasurable feeling from ejaculation, but you also know that you overcame an obstacle few men have dared to try. I have a total of 347 successful ejaculations total, but it only gets harder as I move on. When I see a Serperior, for instance, I have to think to myself “In what way can I imagine this creature in order to get off to it?” It is a puzzle for sure, considering I do not have a thing for (most) of these creatures, making it extremely entertaining and interesting for others to watch. I try to focus in on its somewhat beautiful face, and think about that more than the yards of snake behind it. I sometimes have issues with Pokemon like Machamp, who appear extremely male. But I always find a way. There has been no hurdle too steep for me. I want to be the very best. Anything lower does not cut it. And that is why I am beating off to pictures of Lucario on the Internet, mom.

I am begging you America don’t let this song beat Mariah’s record.

I want to listen to the Billie Eilish remix, but will have to wait at least another week.