Look, any chump could win an EGOT. How many people can claim to have the full EGOTBAON? That’s the Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony, and being named Brand Ambassador Of Neopets? As far as I know, there’s only one of those, and his name is John Legend.

Neopets, the virtual pet website that launched way the hell back in 1999, has been going through rocky times lately, attempting to become some sort of NFT computer-pet store. But now Neopets is going through a big rebrand and launching a bunch of new games, and part of that involves John Legend, somehow. Pop Insider reports that Neopets had a Neopets Era Party that involved a video message from John Legend, who announced his new position as Neopets brand ambassador: “My family and I have been long time fans of the game, and I can’t wait for you to experience it too.”

The vibe of that video is part smooth advertising pitch, part hostage video. It’s sort of like: “Maybe there’s someone off-camera pointing a gun at my head, and maybe not. But I’m such a professional that I will still put all my charm and charisma into talking about Neopets for 19 seconds, and you will barely notice my vague sweatiness.”

I’m sure that nobody at Neopets was actually pointing a gun at John Legend’s head. But at least one TikTok theorist has unearthed evidence that Chrissy Teigen, Legend’s wife, was a major Neopets head back in the day. Her proposition is that Teigen would’ve been the new Neopets brand ambassador if not for her record of intense and abusive online behavior. Maybe Legend and Teigen bonded over Neopets, or maybe Legend is just taking the job that was not offered to Teigen.

Read our We’ve Got A File On You interview with John Legend here. Also, Scott did not put a gun to my head and force me to write this blog post. He just put it in the assignment spreadsheet and expected me to know what the fuck a Neopet is.