The Alternative Number Ones: Sting’s “All This Time”

In The Alternative Number Ones, I'm reviewing every #1 single in the history of the Billboard Modern Rock Tracks/Alternative Songs, starting with the moment that the chart launched in 1988. This column is a companion piece to The Number Ones, and it's for members only. Thank you to everyone who's helping to keep Stereogum afloat.

Here's what I don't get: How in the fuck was Sting ever considered alternative rock? Or even "modern rock," the radio format that existed before the term "alternative" entered widespread use? In past columns, I've talked about how maddeningly vague both terms are, but even without a fixed definition, I cannot reconstruct the line of thinking that allowed Sting to qualify. Sting is English and self-serious, and in the early days of alt-rock radio, that might've been enough to put him into contention. He had at least some vestigial connection to punk rock, and that probably helped, too. Even with all that in mind, though, I just don't see the connection. On modern rock radio, Sting must've always come off as the fusty adult in the room.

I'm not talking about the Police, mind you. With the Police, I get it. Those guys were always fake punks -- prog and jazz-fusion muso types who spiked their early sound up so that they could join the new wave hype-cycle. But it worked. The Police became probably the biggest stars of the Second British Invasion. Before "Every Breath You Take" became the biggest mainstream hit of 1983, the Police were a constant presence on college radio. In the '90s, I heard them all the time on my local alt-rock station's flashback-brunch show. I was never happy to hear them, but they were always there.