John Waters, cult-film legend and great advocate for Baltimore culture, doesn’t really make movies anymore. A Dirty Shame, his last proper feature film, is now 20 years old. Instead, he’s making his living by essentially being himself, sometimes on his annual Christmas tour. Now, he’s taking a cue from his rough contemporary David Lynch and putting our a record. Naturally, it’s a Christmas record.

Unlike David Lynch, John Waters is not a musician, so his Christmas record can only qualify as “music” in the most generous definition of the word. Waters’ new Sub Pop 7″ has two tracks, and both of them are very nearly unlistenable, though for different reasons. The first is kind of a parody of a parody — Waters doing his own version of the dogs that bark out the “Jingle Bells” melody, except now the dogs are even more annoying. The second is a spoken-word track called “It’s A Punk Rock Christmas.” That one leaves some questions open.

We know that “It’s A Punk Rock Christmas” is an ironic piece of writing, but how many layers of irony are in there? Who knows? When Waters squeezes some anti-woke messaging in there — something that’s possibly even more tiresome than the stuff it reacts against — I’m guessing he’s probably sincere. Mostly, though, this is Waters doing slam poetry about Santas with dildos or whatever. He sounds like he’s having fun, anyway. I’m not sure who this is for, but if it’s for you, you can hear it below.

The “Jingle Bells” b/w “It’s A Punk Rock Christmas” 7″ is out now on Sub Pop.