Thus far, this has been a pretty good summer for blockbuster cinema. Superman and F1 are good. 28 Years Later is great. Final Destination: Bloodlines fucking rocks. I haven't seen the Lilo & Stitch and How To Train Your Dragon remakes or the new Jurassic World, but they seem to be doing what they're supposed to be doing. Everyone is making money. The Fantastic Four: First Steps and The Naked Gun and Weapons are all waiting in the wings. But before all that, we have to deal with motherfucking Smurfs.
Smurfs looks like ass, and the participation of Rihanna, a pop star who is currently too cool for her own pop stardom, makes the whole thing grate even harder. Rihanna is involved in Smurfs, both as a producer and as the voice of Smurfette. Earlier this year, she shared her soundtrack song "Friend Of Mine," and it's extremely unmemorable, as Rihanna singles go. But now we know that she's got at least one more song in Smurfs, and it appears to be the kind of thing that might make us nostalgic for her Black Panther: Wakanda Forever songs, which at least were flavorless in inoffensive ways.
Someone recently snuck a camera into a theater and shared the Smurfs scene soundtracked by a new Rihanna track called "Anyone." It's a bland nothing of a ballad that Rihanna reportedly co-wrote with Lewis Capaldi/Ed Sheeran collaborator RØMANS and Chappell Roan/Bebe Rexha co-writer Maya K. The track seems to score some kind of astral, psychedelic love sequence involving space-flight and kangaroos. I am sorry, but there is absolutely no cinematic context in which this scene will work as anything other than pure dogshit. See for yourself below.
Snippet from Rihanna’s new song “Anyone” from the Smurfs movie! pic.twitter.com/dGcEeufpjw
— Nash ॐ (@Nash_Fenty) July 13, 2025
In other news, someone at Variety recently asked Rihanna about potential roles for A$AP Rocky could play in a theoretical Smurfs sequel. Her answer: "Oh my gosh! Freestyle Smurf. Fashion Smurf. Damn, there's already a Papa Smurf, but he could play Papa Smurf, too." Great. Can't wait.
Rihanna says A$AP Rocky would play Papa Smurf in the next #SmurfsMovie pic.twitter.com/aht1voou1t
— Variety (@Variety) July 14, 2025
Smurfs arrives in theaters this weekend. If you've got small kids, you can just tell them you're not going to take them to see it. Make a stand. It's your life, too.
